The One That Got Away
by Zosie
Summary: Edward Cullen, famous rock star, has it all.  Cars, boats, mansions in every country.  And all the girls a man could ever ask for, to borrow for a night or three and discard.  Why did it feel like he had nothing?
1. Chapter 1

**Warning, some characters OOC. (Maybe all?LOL) Review if you like this and want more. Ignore if you don't and it will disappear, like Bella.**

The One That Got Away

Chapter One/Prologue

Unforgotten

Edward Cullen walked into the dark smoky club and glanced around, as he always did. Yes, as usual, every eye had turned his way and every female had suddenly lost interest in the guy she was taking to, drinking with, or grinding against on the dance floor, hoping maybe tonight would be the night he chose her instead.

"Hi Edward", the words from so many different girls bounced back at him as he made his way to the bar. Most knew better than to approach him, they waited for his summons. He eyed the bar tender who immediately ignored the current customer and hurried to get to Edward, who needed neither words nor money to have his tipple of choice placed in front of him.

Squat glass, three ice cubes, bottle of Jack.

He unsealed the unopened bottle, his rule, he never drank from a bottle already opened, and poured the first of many drinks he would consume tonight. He had been drinking a long time and his tolerance level was as legendary as his face, and his position as lead singer in the currently placed number one rock band in the country.

Anyone who was anyone already knew him.

And everyone who didn't know him, certainly wanted to.

So, tonight. Who would he choose?

There were the regulars, some of whom he had already entertained in his flashy mansion, and some whom he never would, because they just didn't come up to scratch. And there were even a few who occasionally got a second or even third night but he drew the line after three visits.

There was no way he wanted anyone, including the paparazzi, linking him in any permanent way with any one lady.

He wasn't in a rock band to settle down and get married. Of course, the music came first and always would but the abundance of girls throwing themselves at him was a close second when it came to why he had embarked on this lifestyle. The myth you could find a single female that could be enough when the world offered such a smorgasbord of lovelies just waiting for you to crook your finger and have her ready and waiting was just that, a stupid story mothers told their daughters then sat back and watched the reality happen.

Nobody got married these days.

Well, that wasn't true, now and then some couple became delusional and really thought they were different and they could make it long term but Edward would never be part of that fantasy and lie. And he'd never met another girl who even made him wish the fairy tale was real.

He glanced around, trying to recall if the tall redhead had already had three visits, he really needed to start taking notes. It just wouldn't do for him to seem to favor one girl over another.

"Victoria," he murmured as the girl in question hurried over to his side, having seen his eyes on her.

"Edward, how amazing you look tonight," she gushed and he immediately decided, three or less, she was too keen. There was no way she was coming home with him again.

He felt a hand placed firmly on his shoulder and turned his head as his lead guitarist, Jasper Whitlock, moved up to stand between him and the redhead, jerking his head at her in a clear 'fuck off' motion. Jasper always had his back.

"The blond in the green dress," Edward said, holding his glass in his hand and indicating in the direction of a tall, willowy girl dancing with an attractive male on the dance floor. She certainly had the goods, hot body, gorgeous breasts though probably fake, and the face was passable. Somewhat generic, he had been with a lot of girls just like her, too many to remember.

"Uh uh, that's Tiffany, she had her third visit last month."

Edward immediately took his eyes away and dismissed her from his mind.

"The tall girl in the yellow?" he questioned.

Jasper laughed. "Rosalie Hale? Sure, she hasn't graced your bed yet but your brother may knee cap you if you invite her to."

"Emmett is interested in her? When will her three visits be done?" he asked. The brothers both followed the same rules and there were no restrictions on having a girl one brother had already had. This was sex, not romance, not High School bro code.

Jasper sat down and grabbed the glass offered by the bar tender, and poured a generous shot from Edward's bottle. He and Emmett were the only two people who would ever try that, anyone else would find that move a ticket to being tossed out by a bouncer.

"Um, here's the thing. He likes her."

"He likes them all," Edward smirked.

"No, he _likes _her," Jasper repeated.

Edward shook his head. "Jesus, Jasper, don't even try telling me he likes her enough to give up his quest to plant his flag in a dozen girls from each country?"

Emmett, despite his bulk and easy manner, was actually quite sharp and intelligent, not a quality necessary for most drummers.

"Quest on hold, for now anyway," Jasper replied.

"I have a feeling they could be right. Maybe it is going to be the end of the world next year, if my brother is putting a girl ahead of his quest. He's had that aim since High School and he got to impale the three Japanese exchange students the night of his eighteenth birthday," Edward grinned. Yes, the Cullen brothers had already had a way with women way before the fame and adulation of being in the band. Any girl they ever wanted was theirs for the taking. It was just that they had grown up in such a small town, all too soon every girl worth their attention had been played with and discarded and they had yearned to move to a larger pond.

Now the world was their playground and it was true, there were many fish in the sea.

And Edward and Emmett had landed many of them before kissing them one last time and tossing them back.

Actually, that wasn't quite true, not for Edward. He didn't kiss. Not really, not properly, not with feeling. If the girl demanded kisses, he tried to limit them to on the cheek, or on her neck, or even on her hand when he first met her or if he ever took her hand in his. A quick peck on the lips if absolutely necessary but otherwise, it was not in his seduction ritual. Lip locking? Nope. Too personal.

He'd kissed a few girls back in his youth and the first girl to grace his bed he had kissed a lot. All over every inch of her amazing body. That had been the only girl who had ever made him think the fairy tale could be true. But kisses had not been enough to keep her there and after High School graduation, she had disappeared too fast to even leave behind a puff of smoke, and the few girls he had tried to replace her with just hadn't had the same effect. He didn't like their kisses and they did nothing to him, unlike her kisses. So, simple. He stopped kissing.

And the truth was, there had never been a single girl to ever touch his heart in the way she had but she hadn't wanted him enough to stay around and she had moved on. To where, Italy, at least initially. Whether she was still there, he had no clue. He just knew she had never been back to that dreary town, at least, not when he and Emmett had been back visiting their parents and they had never mentioned her so he assumed she had really outgrown Forks and moved on permanently.

He had occasionally seen girls that resembled her and always, his heart would pause and stutter until the girl turned and green or hazel or blue eyes stared at him instead of brown, or the wrong lips smiled his way. He smiled as he remembered those lips. A little crooked, a little unbalanced, the top lip a tad too full for the bottom lip but on her, it had looked good. And she had used those lips to take his mind to places it had never visited since.

"Oh, there's one you would really like," Jasper leaned closer and whispered in his friend's ear.

Edward lazily looked up and for a moment the world stopped.

Nope, it was okay, it wasn't her.

Very similar though. He had never done similar, he had always avoided girls like this. Petite little girls too short to change a light bulb or even water a hanging basket with a watering can without having the water run down her arm and chill her skin because she just wasn't tall enough to hold then damn thing right.

No, Edward preferred tall, because tall never led to flashbacks like these.

This one was uncomfortably close. Brown eyes set in a heart shaped face. Full lips, though too even, too perfect.

Long brown tresses that he wanted spread out on his pillow in his bed. Or to see falling down her shoulders as she rode him, her own eyes locked on his. The breasts were wrong, too full, too round, not just the right size to fit in his hands. The legs were not as shapely and that gentle curve from waist to backside was definitely too long.

What the fuck was wrong with him tonight? Usually he managed to keep her image out of his head when he was hooking up. He refused to let her rejection of him mar his fun and he would take home whom so ever he desired and the girl would let him do whatever he wanted, she would not be seeking tender touches and gentle lips. Those were not things he offered, he had never offered them again. Once had been enough to teach him his lesson.

Never offer your heart because nothing felt as bad and as hurtful as when your heart was rejected and not good enough for the only girl you ever wanted to accept it.

Girls were distractions, playthings, and he liked to play.

Maybe tonight he should try something new, something difficult. God knows he had done easy, over and over, and for years.

Maybe the true test was to take this little brunette home, and give her what she wanted from him and exorcise that other similar brunette from his mind. Replace her. Think of this girl instead, when her three nights were over and done with. Replace one image with another.

"Go get her for me," Edward said, just as Jasper stiffened and put down his glass.

"Alice alert," he stated and Edward shook his head as the five foot tall, one hundred pound sister, who also did the job of being his conscience, danced into the room. She saw them immediately and danced lightly on her toes, ending up just inches in front of his face, blocking his view of the brunette.

"My, lookie here, I arrived before Edward pulled. What's up, bro? You off your game tonight?"

she trilled with a laugh.

"Just making my selection," Edward answered, avoiding her lips as she tried to plant a kiss on his cheek. "Alice, really, I don't need my girls to be getting the idea you are something other than my annoying little sister, kiss Jasper instead."

Jasper blushed with embarrassment and it hit Edward strong and hard. Fuck me, Jasper had fallen for the myth. He wanted Alice to kiss him. He wanted to try the impossible and take Edward's only sister into his heart.

It was not the first time Edward had gotten a vibe about how his guitarist felt about his sister but this was the most clear and unhidden clue.

Alice paused and shut up for once, just more confirmation he was right. Nothing shut her up, not for long anyway. He glanced from his friend's fiery cheeks to his sister and choked on his Jack, my God, her face was as beetroot tinged as Jasper's.

It went both ways.

Alice wanted Jasper as much as he wanted her.

He should stop this right now, nip it in the bud before they started. There was only one way it could go. They would flirt and have a few drinks together. Then there would be the grinding on the dance floor, then they would both disappear at the same time. Then Jasper would be distracted and not have his complete mind on the job as his lead guitarist. Then it would be kisses and looks between them, and Jasper never around to be his wingman and the announcements would start. And maybe even a ceremony.

Then it would all fall apart and his best friend would no longer want to come home to Forks when Edward visited his folks, or even stay in the band maybe. If he did, his sister would flaunt her new boyfriends in front of him, and Jasper would start writing moody songs about broken hearts and the girl who refused to leave your life, even years after her body had left your bed.

Dammit.

He was the emo song writer in this band. He needed balance, he needed Jasper to write the happy songs, the hopeful songs, the pretty words that sold their cd's and filled the concert halls.

He already had filled the position as sad lonely man who stood on stage and cried his heart out for a girl long gone and his eyes always searched the crowd for her. Had their fame and success not even been enough to ever call her back for a single visit? There was no way she couldn't know about how his life was now. It had been chronicled in so many magazines and entertainment shows and celebrity news articles in word and print.

He was rich beyond most men's dreams, he had everything money could buy. He had more fans than the Beatles. His songs were the type that would be around for generations far into the future. They would be his legacy when he was gone.

And it all meant nothing.

He slammed his glass down on the bar and walked to the brunette and took her cell phone, putting in his number.

"Call me, in a couple of days. Tuesday," he decided, with no question in his mind that she would do so. They all did.

Then he grabbed the arms of Victoria, and Tiffany, who were both pleased but shocked to be granted another invite, and left.


	2. Chapter 2

The One That Got Away

Chapter 2

Plan B

Jane Volturi slapped the magazine down on Jessica Stanley's desk and sighed.

"We need an interview with the members of Midnight Sin, especially their lead singer. I've tried for freaking years and never managed to book us some one on one time with him. There must be a way. Rolling Stone got a one hour exclusive interview, why the fuck not us?"

"Edward Cullen? I went to school with Edward, and Jasper and Emmett as well. Why didn't you tell me you were after an interview? In fact, you do know Bella was Edward's first plaything?"

"What the fuck?" Jane screamed. "How could you not have told me that? Tell me every detail."

"Not much to tell. They started flirting in High School, got together in Junior Year, and were practically living together all Senior Year. Bella's Dad Charlie is Chief of Police in Forks and he was off on that overseas cop exchange thing so Edward moved into her house and stayed to look after her. Which he did rather well, I seem to recall. Bella definitely had no complaints."

"And what split them up? Was he screwing around?" Jane asked, unsurprised if she was right on the money. After all, a man who looked like that? Like he couldn't get laid just going to the shop for cigarettes.

"No, actually you offered Bella the job of a lifetime and she put that job over her personal life and came running to Italy and never looked back. They didn't break up dramatically, he asked her to choose him, she chose this instead," Jess said, waving her hand around the beautiful office they sat in, overlooking the city.

"She chose career over love? Good girl, I'm proud of her. Career can go on forever, love is so fleeting."

"And everyone knew Edward was slumming. Even his own sister. I mean, I love and adore Bella, don't get me wrong, but look at this face," Jess said, holding up Rolling Stone Magazine.

"He could get laid in a nunnery."

"So, did he and you..." Jane asked with a wicked grin.

"God no, Bella would have ripped my head off. She was very territorial when he was hers. I don't think it was an easy decision, I didn't mean to imply she just walked away. She went off with him for a sort of honeymoon and then went off by herself for a week afterwards and when she came back, she decided they would probably never make it anyway and so Alice told her to hire me, seeing you told her to bring her own PA, I had done a course already. And here we are, seven years later."

"And she is happy with Demetri," Jane added, glad she wasn't responsible for Bella Swan leading a sad and lonely life because of the job offer.

"Pft, that's called a distraction. I've seen Bella in love. This thing with Demetri is called sex. Friends with benefits. Nothing more. Have you ever noticed her eyes? You know how you sort of think it's a pity they are brown and kind of empty, well, when she was with Edward, her eyes were beautiful. I mean, I'm glad now my eyes are prettier than hers but I remember in High School, everyone noticed her eyes and said they were not like other usual brown eyes, they were so passionate and full of life. Full of love," Jess smiled.

"Really? I do look at them and think they are rather flat. No sparkle," Jane admitted. "God, Jess, now I feel guilty. I took her away from the man she loved?"

"It was not only you. She knew she would be stuck in Forks with 2.4 children and a picket fence with Edward, if it ever got that far. No career, unless you call serving at the diner a career. And Charlie wanted her to spread her wings and fly away. He'd spent his entire life in Forks and he knew it wasn't big enough for Bella. His stint overseas convinced him she should travel while she was young, before she got tied down or had kids."

"But she could have had an amazing life. On the road with a rock band."

"Oh, like Edward would have stayed with her once he had a million groupies screaming his name. I wonder if he has been with a million women? Would that even be possible?" she pondered.

"Probably, he was pretty damned insatiable in bed," Bella Swan said, walking inside the office, tossing her purse down on her desk.

"Why are we talking about the dim and distant past?" she enquired.

Jess turned and looked at her. "Jane wants you to secure an interview with Edward. And the others. We need a better interview than Rolling Stone managed to finagle."

"No thanks, I like the past right where it is," Bella replied.

"Bad luck, Swan. I've been pretty darn easy on you lately. I'm ordering you to call up his sister and arrange for you to go on their next tour. And I order you to get up close and personal with Edward Cullen," Jane replied.

"Actually," Bella grinned, tapping her pen on the desk,"I think I would enjoy traveling with Midnight Sin."

Jess laughed. "Oh that's right, Jacob Black is one of their roadies. And it's your twenty fifth birthday this September 13th."

"So, it's your twenty fifth next month? So what?" Jane asked.

"She has this deal with Jake. You know, Plan B. Jake is her Plan B."

"You and Jake are getting married? What about Demetri?"

"Demetri and I are friends, " Bella said, scowling. God knows how come Jane could have plenty of 'friends' and nobody expected wedding bells yet Bella had one 'special' friend and a married man at that, yet everyone wanted to drown her in confetti. "And the plan is, we will do whatever we want. Get married, or have a baby, get married AND have a baby, whatever."

"We couldn't fit a crib in this office," Jane protested.

Bella shrugged. "I've had my spot in the sun, I would be happy to quit for a while and raise a baby then work somewhere locally. I mean, Jake will always end up back on the Rez, my dad has lived there since he married Sue Clearwater, it's like home away from home to us Swans."

"And you would settle for an old agreement, and not hold out for love?" Jane said, surprised.

"I've had love, once. I don't imagine I will ever be lucky enough to feel those feelings again. I think love is sort of a one time deal. But I love Jake enough, in my own way. He and I are just fated to be together. I think we have always known that. Edward was like, hmm, you know when you go to a dance and they do that changing partners thing and somehow you end up with the best looking man as your partner for a few minutes? That was us. Briefly I was the girl with the most amazing boyfriend ever but I knew it wouldn't last. It was better to walk away and not wait for his heart to change and have him have to let me down easy. He was always going to be something really special. I knew that the first time I met him. I knew I was merely playing in his sandbox before he grew up and had so many girls around him, I would get lost in the crowd, and he would have to dump my ass and move on."

"Bright girl," Jane stated. "I think we all know when we are batting out of our league and it's only a matter of time. Better to walk away before things get sad and pathetic and you are holding a knife to your wrist, begging him to stay," she said, her eyes glazing over.

"God, Jane, sorry," Jess said, remembering how the woman's big once shiny romance had gone down and how Jane had literally been left standing at the altar, waiting for a man who had told her repeatedly the wedding was off and he was not turning up.

"So, I'm going on tour with Midnight Sin," Bella said, drawing Jane back to the conversation.

"Call Alice Cullen and get it fixed," Jane replied, wiping her eyes and hurrying to her own office.

X~x~X

Edward rubbed his eyes wearily, and undid the safety belt on the plane and glanced out the first class window at the crowd waiting to catch a glimpse of him. This was usual and expected, it was like this wherever they went and it didn't bother him, usually. It didn't thrill him like he had imagined it would, back when he was Edward Cullen, complete unknown, but Alice loved the life and the others relished the attention. When Jasper had suggested starting a band as a way to distract his friend and bring him out of the months of misery he had endured after that little brunette took the job in Italy and ran off to have a great life without him, none of them had ever imagined fame on this level. You couldn't turn on a tv without one of their hits being used in some advertising commercial or another, or buy a magazine without the band being mentioned. Alice tried to limit interviews to the publications known to like the group and write only positive articles, after all, there was nothing bad in their pasts or presents and hopefully they all had even brighter futures.

She hoped she had done the right thing this time, accepting the offer from Volturi magazine. It would be good to get the band talked about more in Italy. And the fact Jane was sending Bella Swan was both a good and a bad thing. Maybe Edward would finally realize that Bella had moved on and would finally give up and move on himself. Emotionally. Physically he had done that long ago but that didn't mean he was ever going to allow his heart to heal and consider getting into a relationship again. He had become stuck in his teens, never growing up, never moving forward. He fucked around like a High School boy, which was ironic, seeing he only ever slept with one girl in his whole entire High School career.

Who knew she would still be here, one of them in spirit, because it was like Edward kept her with him through the years.

Kept her between himself and whatever skanky ho shared his bed. He didn't pretend those girls were Bella, he wanted to exorcise the girl from his mind and fucking around with as many women as he could was not working for him but he had yet to accept that and try something else.

Maybe this would be a good thing. Maybe he would take one look at her and be surprised how ordinary she really was, not the amazing beauty he imagined her to be. She was pretty, Alice admitted, and she had been a great friend and they still talked, now and again, but the way Edward had seen her had been puzzling. No other boys were amazed at her beauty or reduced to tears when she left. Only Edward.

Only proud, determined, sad Edward, who refused to chase after her when there was the chance he could have changed her mind and convinced her to come back.

Then time passed and the band got famous and Edward got even more women in his bed, and now, even if Bella still had any feelings for him, she would never touch him again after so many others had. Surely.

Alice adored her brother and loved him unconditionally but had Jasper been as whorish as her brothers, she would not be considering what she was now.

Maybe they could make it work. Maybe she and Jas could be something, and travel together and still make it work. Who knows? She just knew she wanted to try.

Managing the band had never been easy and she and Jasper had always been friends, spending many long nights wondering where the Brother's Cullen were and who with and how many. Jasper had never been like that. He alone had relationships and Alice had been there when his long term girlfriend Maria had called it a day and moved on. And she had waited while he dated a couple of girls on the rebound, and got nowhere, and now he had started looking at her very differently. She was no longer just his Manager and friend, suddenly she was special. And Alice had always wanted to be special to Jasper.

"Roadies off first," Edward reminded her, and she signalled for Jacob and Seth and the others to go ahead so they could get through the crowd and start packing the luggage into the waiting vans before Edward and the boys appeared and sent the crowd into it's usual frenzy, making it impossible for anyone to move forward for some time.

Camera's flashed, the crowd was warming up as the Quileute boys walked through, and Edward watched as Jacob Black told the others what to do.

As Edward stepped from the plane, he felt the buzz immediately. It had nothing to do with the waiting crowd and everything to do with the small brunette waiting at the barrier.

The smile on her face warmed his heart and he wanted to bolt down towards her and grab her to his chest and just hold her. Hold her forever.

He wouldn't care how many photos of them popped up in every magazine, and what speculation was made about who she was and why he had grasped her like that.

It didn't matter.

Edward quickened his pace and felt his sister touch his arm.

"No," she said, shaking her head.

"Alice, don't. Let me go to her," he replied crossly.

"She's not here for you..."

Edward stopped and watched Jacob jump the barrier and scoop the girl up into his arms. And her arms were around his neck, her lips were on his, and their bodies were as close as fully clothed bodies could be.

And they turned and walked away, without so much as a glance at him.

Everybody looked at him, it was just the way it was. The crowd saw him and started it's chant.

"Ed-ward. Ed-ward. Ed-ward."

A sea of faces, all calling to him and it meant nothing.

A thousand bodies, swaying, wanting, and they meant nothing.

One small girl, and she walked away without a single word, and she meant everything.

"Alice," he cried, and his sister stopped with him and stood in between him and the crowd.

"I can't do this," he choked.

"Of course you can," she corrected him.

"I can't. What if I never see her again?" he cried, and she saw his eyes fill.

"Edward, she's coming on tour with us. She's working for Volturi magazine and I agreed she could come on tour, and interview you. She wants a story to top Rolling Stone's exclusive. I agreed. I would be good for the band, too. Not just for that little magazine."

"Then sack Jacob Black. He didn't even stay and pack the gear."

"Don't be silly. He asked me if he could leave straight away once we landed and I said he could."

"But he had that thing...he was sleeping with Leah," Edward said roughly.

"Don't even think about running to Bella with that story. She knows. She was the one who suggested they be fuckbuddies. It's been happening for years. You really don't notice what goes on around you, do you?"

"Bella suggested Jake be Leah's fuck buddy. Since when?"

"Since you stole her off him in Junior Year and he had not yet made his move on her. She told him the thing with you would never last, you two were too unbalanced. He was waiting his turn with her, then next thing, you two were hot and heavy and she told him to at least go fuck someone else and then she went to Italy and so he never got to be with her."

"But now he is?"

"They have this pact. You know, Plan B. They are getting married and having kids and everything," Alice smiled. "before she gets past her prime child bearing days. She plans to make things work with them and their families are all delighted. It was always going to end this way, Edward. She was meant to end up with Jacob Black from the start. They are an even match."

"What the fuck? Even? Unbalanced? What are you even talking about?"

"You do own a mirror, right?" Alice checked.

"So? Talk sense."

"So, when you look in the mirror, do you see a boy next door? Who would happily settle for a girl next door? Because nobody else does. They see a man who is so incredibly good looking, he could get by on just his pretty face, even if he wasn't a talented singer and musician. You have it all and Bella wanted you to have a chance. She told me you proposed to her while you were off on that little last ditch attempt to keep her in Forks after High School graduation."

"So you know she turned me down flat," he growled.

"But she did it for you, Edward. She wanted you to go off and have an amazing, incredible life, and you have that now. You are recognized in every country, your photos are everywhere, not a single girl over thirteen doesn't know your name and image. Bella stood back, walked away, so that could happen."

"But all I ever wanted was her," he replied, grabbing at his hair.

"No, you wanted an extraordinary life. You did. You never wanted to go to college, you never wanted a job. You wanted to be famous and there was no room in that life for a girlfriend. She left you so you could be this, be Edward Cullen, rock star. You have her to thank."

"Why can't I have the one and only thing I ever really wanted?" he cried.

"Because you got this instead. Look at them, Edward. An entire airport filled with females calling your name. How can this not be enough?"

"Because it's empty and meaningless and I don't care at all for any of them," he growled.

"Well you had better pretend to, these fans are your bread and butter. These fans buy your cd's and your mansions and your private plane will be a gift from them, when it's finished," she smiled in anticipation. It would be so good to never wait for a commercial flight again.

He pushed past his sister and faced his fans.

"Hi, how are you? Have you been waiting long? Yeah, the plane got delayed. Photo? Sure, let me take it," he said, sliding to stand so both his and the girl's face were in shot and he snapped the phone and handed it back and moved on to the next fan.

X~x~X

Edward lay on his childhood bed and relished the silence. It was good to be home and just be him again. Just Edward, younger son of Esme and Dr Carlisle Cullen. Big brother of Annoying Alice.

Nobody here treated him any differently to how they had before fame and fortune hit. Jasper was downstairs, doing the polite chit chat with his parents, even though he really didn't need to prove anything to them. They had always loved him like he was one of theirs and now his parents were gone, suddenly, together, in a horrible car crash three years ago, he looked on the Cullens as his new family.

As well they may be if things worked out with Alice.

Emmett had surprised them all by inviting Rosalie Hale home with him. Nobody saw that coming, they had barely been together more than a few nights and already it was like they knew something the others failed to detect. Romeo and Juliet, Edward sighed. Let's hope they had a happier ending.

"Come on, toad, we have a house to decorate," Alice said, opening his door and walking inside uninvited.

"Go away," Edward growled and rolled over, so he no longer faced her.

"Edward, it's party time. Dad and Mom want to throw us a bash to welcome us home and everyone will be here. Everyone. Including the reporter from Volturi magazine," she hinted.

"Bella is coming here? Big deal, she will spend the night with Jake Black anyway," he snarked.

"Actually, Jake can't make it but Bella is coming alone. Jake's Dad is away in Seattle having some detailed medical tests and being a dutiful son, Jacob has offered to go drive him home and save him having to take a bus."

"Well Hallelujah for well brought up sons," Edward grinned. This was different, if she would be here all alone. Of course, he would still have to fight to get anywhere near her, his brother and Jasper and Alice all adored her, always, and they never said her name in front of him, but he knew that often had to stop mid sentence when they realized they were about the disclose some news about her. They would cough and scratch their heads and pretend the thought had vanished from their brains and suggest they all had a beer or something to try and cover their misspoken blunders.

And his parents...sometimes when he and Bella had been together he had suspected they liked her more than they liked him. Who could blame them, she had never been a moody teen, and always had a smile on her pretty face. Just her presence had lit up the room.

God he missed her. Every day in every way. The sex was just the tiniest part, he could have sex, did have sex, with anyone. He only had to beckon and some blond was there, ready to fall to her knees or into his bed. Then he would mechanically complete the act and pretend it had been amazing, just what he needed but after they left...

He never let them stay, that was the unwritten law. No sleepovers. No cuddling after. What was the point in pretending it was more than it was? Just a coupling of two strangers who needed to scratch an itch.

No, what he missed was the amazing connection they shared. The feelings he had felt, for the one and only time in his life. The knowledge he would die for her, if that ever became necessary. The truth, that all this meant nothing without her, yet with her, he would have been the king of the world.

And he used to have someone to talk to, that understood and didn't judge his every sentence. She had loved and accepted him warts and all. Even when the things he said were not pretty and not kind, she would just be there and wait for him to calm down and come back and he would curl up beside her and feel her hands on his back, rubbing away whatever pain was in his heart at the time.

He had felt special and cherished and now it took an entire stadium of cheering, screaming women to make him feel one hundredth as liked, because he knew they didn't know him. They had no idea of the man behind the mask, the Edward who went home after the show, and felt the adrenalin fade and the high pass, and even drugs didn't help. There was always the awakening when whatever he had taken had worn off and all he was was him again. Edward, all alone. Edward, adored by millions, loved by nobody.

Oh, he knew some of his fans imagined they loved him but they loved Edward the rockstar. He understood, he himself felt a strange sort of closeness and understanding to the bands he listened to, even though he knew the feeling was one way, felt by him alone. Those bands didn't know he existed, just as he only knew of his own followers by the amount of sales and the crowds that turned up to greet him. Occasionally he would see a teenager in the street in one of Midnight Sin's T shirts and it would make him smile, but he didn't know the wearer. He could be a good kid, a great kid or a rotten little shit douchebag for all Edward knew.

Like they had no idea what he was really like.

She knew.

X~x~X

Alice knocked on his door when it was time to make an appearance. He had helped, he had done the liquor run and made sure to buy plenty of SoCo, because he knew it had always been her Achilles Heel.

A few glasses of that and she was a different girl. A funny, laughing, out of control little drunk who needed to to rescued before anyone took advantage of her. Nobody would get that chance tonight, he would be her Guardian Angel.

"Edward," Alice said pleadingly. "Don't hurt her. Don't do anything to come between them. She will be happy enough with Jacob. Don't mess with her, please."

He wanted to yell at her, explain Bella had been his, first. He wanted to slap her for even thinking he could ever hurt that girl. Bella had left him, he hadn't left her. He deserved one night with her. One night, out of all the nights left on earth, how could one night hurt?

One night to pretend they were again what they had been.

One night, to sleep without the gaping hole in his chest. One night to feel her warm little body wrapped with his body. One night, for fuck's sake, one night.

"Leave it alone, Sis," he warned. He was a grown up, he could buy and sell everyone here in this little town. Everyone but her.

He felt her arrive long before he saw her. Then, there she was, so beautiful, so happy, laughing as Emmett the Giant lifted her into his massive arms and half squeezed the life out of her.

Then Jasper, that motherfucker, kissed her, fully kissed her, on those uneven red lips. And she blushed and laughed self consciously as he released her. Then it was his father, his own father, hugging her like he was greeting a child of his own. Then Esme. He couldn't hate his own Mother, she loved the girl.

Nobody looked for him, nobody thought "Gee, you know who missed you so much he wanted to die? You know who misses you still, and takes bad things and drinks too much and sleeps with faceless women to try and forget the pain for moments in time? We should fetch Edward."

No, they just wanted their time with her.

"Hey, want to dance?" Tanya Denali asked. She was a family friend and Edward had thus far avoided ever bedding family friends. While he was sure Tanya was an amazing fuck, after all the practice she had notched up over the years, it would just be too tricky in the morning.

Too hard to explain why he was fucking her then kicking her out of his bed. And anyway, nobody had ever slept in this bed, in this house, with him, except for Bella.

Normally they had stayed at her empty house and played at being a real grown up couple, but sometimes, if they came here to dinner, they stayed over. And she slept in his bed. Somehow, no matter how badly he ever needed to sleep with any girl since, it had never happened in his bed.

There had been times when he considered bringing home a couple of girls so his brain would look in that bed and remember a night of hot sex, but sadly, his heart had never allowed it. It was their place, his and the absent Bella's. Either he went with the girl/s back to theirs or it didn't happen, so sometimes it just had been a wasted opportunity.

Tanya knew how to move on the dancefloor and Edward was aware every eye was on them. The women were watching him, sighing, envying; the men were watching her, sighing, envying. They did look like an amazing couple. Even he could admit that.

Oh, not every eye. There she was,laughing and swaying with his best friend, even with Alice watching on.

He knew there was nothing between them, Jasper had always placed Bella in the 'friend' basket and he would never hurt Edward by trying anything with her. Or hurt Alice.

He walked off the floor and poured a drink. Then a second drink. As the music ended, he walked up and handed the beer to Jasper and the SoCo and Coke with ice, to Bella.

"Hey, thanks," she said, barely looking at him even now, it could have been anyone handing her the drink. "Edward," Jasper acknowledged and she looked up, with an expression of surprise almost, like she had forgotten he would be here, he must be here.

"Edward," she said, her face breaking into a smile that stopped his heart.

"I have to arrange our first interview tonight," she informed him and that was it, Emmett swooped and stole her away and all he had was the echo in his ears of her laughter.

He watched her from the edge of the room, as she was handed from one pair of arms to another, and he refreshed her glass and made her new drinks, and he watched to make sure nobody took advantage.

Then the night started to die down and couples retreated and suddenly she turned and saw him, finally.

He looked in her eyes and saw the light there and knew exactly at what point she had hit. She wasn't drunk but she was far from sober. She was feeling good, frisky, reckless, at this point when they had been a couple, this was when she would think giving him a blowjob was wicked fun and she would be truly unselfconscious and amazing as she did it.

This was the point where if he suggested a skinny dip, she would agree and start losing her clothes, no matter who was around.

This was the point where he could ask anything of her and she would go along with it.

"Edward, I haven't seen you for so long," she sighed, allowing him to put his arms around her and steal a kiss. A SoCo flavored kiss, but a kiss nevertheless.

He wanted more. He wanted a proper kiss, a deep kiss filled with passion. A kiss like he had missed and longed for for the past seven years.

"I love you, Bella," he said, knowing she was past the point of sobering at his words and treating this as a serious declaration. She wouldn't even remember this in the morning.

"I love you too," she laughed and stroked his face.

He moved closer and kissed her like he wanted to and she allowed it and kissed him back, like he was as special to her as she was to him.

"Want to come up into my bedroom?" he asked, glancing around. It appeared his conscience was upstairs, fucking Jasper, in her own childhood bedroom. Esme and Carlisle had long since snuck off to bed in their wing of the mansion. There was nobody left to notice what they did, only the catering staff and they didn't care.

"Sure," she laughed, hanging on to his arm to keep herself upright. "What are we going to do up there?' she asked.

"Whatever you want. I thought I might taste that delicious pussy of yours," he said, testing the waters.

"God yes, Jake doesn't do pussy licking," she replied, shaking her head at the tragedy.

"Silly boy, doesn't he know Bella would do anything for a pussy licking," he said back to her.

"Oh God yes, anything," she laughed. She gazed into his eyes and the smile faded.

"Edward?"

"Come on baby, we have to go have some fun," he urged.

She nodded and yawned.

Oh yes, she was there. There would be no resistance now. In fact, she was shedding her clothes as they climbed the staircase.

"One night, I just want one night, Bella," he murmured, nuzzling her neck.

Of course this was wrong, but since when didn't he do wrong? He had done wrong many times. He had fucked girls without asking their names, that was wrong. He had taken women he knew had husbands and maybe little children waiting for her return, into his bed.

It was all wrong, and he was not about to convert to the side of good and honorable now. Not with a willing and reckless Bella in his grasp.

He shut his door and turned the key in the lock.

What he was about to do was very, very wrong but he knew he was going to do it anyway.


	3. Chapter 3

**Moving now to the M rating, you have been warned. Don't read and then complain it's dirty. I know that already. I wrote it.**

The One That Got Away

Chapter 3

Regrets

Bella woke up suddenly and quickly looked around the room. She knew exactly where she was,, she had slept in this very room many times in the past, but she was a little surprised to be dressed and alone.

She tossed back the blankets and looked over her outfit. A Tshirt from Edward's days on the track team at school, and a pair of boxers that were going to fall down when she stood up.

Yep, she was right.

She kicked them away and made her way to the bathroom off the bedroom and looked in the mirror.

Shit, she looked a little rough. Maybe all that SoCo had not been her best idea after all, but it had just been there, constantly. No way to assess how many actual drinks she had consumed.

She used the bathroom and was a little confused and disappointed that there were no telltale signs she had enjoyed a little fun last night. Fun was always funner with Edward.

The past years of meaningless sex had kept her in practice but she missed the connection. Her memories of sleeping with Edward were all good. He had been a gentle and attentive lover, always making sure she enjoyed herself before allowing himself that same privilege.

She missed most of all, the soft words of love he had never failed to whisper in her ear. He had been amazing. Perfect.

But that was then and this was now.

She had heard about him over the years, in her line of work that was inevitable. She knew he had slept with many, many women and it had saddened her at first, but reality was like that. What man wouldn't take advantage of the fans who threw themselves his way?

She had never heard of him being in a relationship and that was sadder still.

Edward was a lovely person and he deserved someone remarkable. Someone beautiful, like that blond he had been dancing with last night. How amazing had they looked together? Evenly matched.

Yet he had abruptly walked off the dance floor and left her, and she had continued dancing with the others around her. Clearly it wasn't a love match.

And she, Bella Swan, had just woken up in his bed.

Why she was there, she wasn't sure. The night before was hazy and unclear. But she knew her body and she knew nothing had gone on between them.

That sucked.

She would be a good wife to Jacob and she had agreed to marry him but this was nothing to do with that. This was Edward.

She dried her hands and face and went back into his bedroom. A pillow and rumpled blanket lay on the black couch near the glass wall of his room. But no Edward. She picked up her cell and saw she had 15 missed calls and 12 messages.

They could wait. The ringer had been silenced, so she switched it back on. If it were urgent, they would ring again.

She smelled the tang of cigarette smoke and followed it, out onto his balcony.

"Hey," he said, looking up at her through a haze of smoke. A stack of stubs sat in an ashtray beside him.

"Hey yourself. So what was I doing in your bed?" she asked, wanting to sit down beside him but deciding that would be unwise, in her knicker free state. Instead, she leaned against the wall and looked down at where he sat.

"Sit with me," Edward suggested and she grimaced.

"No panties. Your boxers were a little too big, they fell off. Where would my thong be?"

Edward pulled the lace thong from his pocket and handed it to her.

"Bella, nothing happened last night. As tempting as it was, I couldn't go through with it. You were off your face," he grinned.

"Damn, I was hoping we had some fun and you might have taped it to show me," she replied.

She slipped the panties on and sat down on the ground, accepting his offer of a cigarette.

"You wouldn't have minded?" Edward asked, surprised, and instantly regretful that his own conscience had spoken up in Alice's absence.

She shrugged, and leaned closer to allow him to light the cigarette.

Puffing the smoke out, she relaxed against the wall and smiled at him.

"What stopped you anyway?" she asked.

"I know you always hated the idea of meaningless sex," he answered, then paused, that came out so wrong. It would have only have been meaningless for her, not him.

"Oh, I've grown up, I'm living in the real world now," she replied.

"Meaning?"

"Sometimes that's all there is, on offer. I had a few attempts at dating but it all seemed kind of tawdry, the men waiting desperately for the third date so sex was acceptable. I felt like a whore. So I decided to find myself a fuck buddy and that's been the way it was, until now. Jacob really loves me, you know. I never expected to find another man who could love me. He's amazing, really. He waited so long and now it's all...amazing."

"I'm happy for you," Edward replied, sincerely. Her happiness was paramount.

Bella touched her lips with her fingertips. "We kissed? You and I, we kissed?"

"How can you tell?" Edward asked.

"My lips feel tingly," she grinned. "You remember? I always freaked a little at how long I could feel the lingering ghost of your kisses on my lips. I can still feel it now," she replied, licking her lips.

Edward took the half remaining cigarette from her hand and stubbed it out, along with his.

"Come here, we already kissed, another one couldn't hurt."

Bella eagerly turned to face him and waited for his lips to reach her and suck that lower lip between his own. God, she had kissed a lot of frogs since she last kissed this prince.

His lips were so soft, so eager, so fucking awesome and delicious. So familiar. She didn't want them to abandon her lips and she sucked in his top lip and tasted his unique Edward taste.

God, she had dreamed about these lips and she had enjoyed those dreams. Very much. They had been very...satisfying. It was quite usual to wake up after a dream about Edward's lips to find her body spasming in delight and she had always marvelled at how she was one girl who got to wake up mid orgasm, without even having to touch herself.

Edward wanted to laugh as she fainted into his arms when the kiss lasted too long and her brain was deprived of oxygen.

She had always done that, always gotten too involved to remember to breathe.

"Bella," he whispered, nuzzling her throat.

No reaction.

"Bella, wake up, baby," he whispered in her ear.

Nothing.

Okay, he was forced to do this. Emergency wake up methods would now begin.

He gently took her earlobe inside his teeth and nibbled.

"Ohh, yes," she moaned, writhing in his arms. Edward smiled and kissed the lobe better.

She was fast turning him on and he was as hard as steel beneath where she lay on his lap.

"Edward, do you have a massive steel rod in your pants or are you happy to see me?" she asked, opening one eye. "Were you planning on fucking me senseless?"

"I was planning on doing more than that last night," he admitted.

"I hate asking, but you know. Reality and all that. Have you been tested?"

"Regularly and I have always used condoms. Two at a time, mostly," he admitted.

"Double bagging, hey. Well, I'm clean and safe. But feel free to use a love glove if you want," she replied.

They had never used condoms, they had waited until the Pill kicked in and they could be bare , skin against skin. He didn't want to change that now. She was the only one he had not used condoms with. Truly. He wasn't stupid, if those girls would sleep with him without so much as a date first, they probably slept with every so called celebrity that crossed their paths.

She sat up and moved so her legs straddled his and he moaned and grabbed her, holding her still.

"Bella, you don't want to do this," he warned as she reached down and grabbed that steel rod through the opening in his boxers and manipulated it to her entrance, pushing the thong aside so it dragged against him...tantalizing, erotic.

"Neither do you," she whispered, sliding down on top of him, feeling that wonderful familiar never forgotten feeling as he filled her exactly. They had always been a perfect fit.

"God, what are you doing to me?" he cried out as she started moving up and down, slowly, almost letting him leave her body then falling back, hard, grinding against him.

"I'm having a meaningless fuck with you," she smirked and felt his hands grip her thighs and move her up and down, quicker, harder.

"Do you like it? I've heard about you and your ladies," she giggled and increased the pace he was moving her.

"Bella, they don't mean anything, they never have.." he pleaded with her to understand.

"I know, I told you I've been fucking Demetri for years now and it's just sex, Edward. We can do this, I haven't actually made any vows of exclusivity to Jacob as yet. And he will never know," she cried and the words ended as she felt the rise of heat hit throughout her sex and spread to the rest of her body. Her skin flushed a delicate pink and Edward moaned at the forgotten detail and he ripped the Tshirt off her and kissed her nipples as they sat there, erect and pink and too tempting to ignore. Her breasts were so perfect, just the right size, as he remembered. He wanted more, and his hands rose and massaged those buds firmly as his mouth sought hers.

This kiss was more passionate, more desperate as they ground against one another and kept the buzz happening, building up, threatening to ignite them and leave them just a pile of ashes in it's wake.

"Edward, my God, I had forgotten how good it could be," she cried and he pulled her face closer, kissing, nuzzling, leaning close to her little pink shell like ear.

"Do you like this, baby? Can you feel what you are doing to me? Can you tell how close I am? I'm going to come deep inside you and fill you up with my love," he chanted and she smiled at the words, and the memories of the same promises years ago.

"Fill me up, Edward, make me yours again," she murmured, without thought. She merely meant physically, claim her back. Make her forget the ones in between. He rocked against her, keeping her body flush with his, keeping the fire burning by rocking sideways, grinding into her and feeling her swell and become desperate.

"Edward, let me come," she pleaded and he smiled. He could always control her body, and he hadn't lost the ability.

"Hold on tight, beautiful girl, here you go," he said, flicking his finger right where she needed it and feeling her moan in relief at the waves hit her and took her over. Her body closed tighter around him as the pulses rocked through them both and he felt himself release and fulfil his promise to fill her. He grabbed onto her and held her as close as possible, licking her neck, tasting her extraordinary taste on his tongue.

"Again?" he offered and she nodded, her eyes closed tight.

Edward smiled and moved so he was hitting the spot deep inside and he rocked in and out, hard and fast and she shook and screamed his name in minutes. Her second was always so easy, if he started before the aftershocks of the first had passed.

Her hands clasped at him, pulling his head down to her breasts and he nipped her nipples and felt her start to hyperventilate.

"Can you take more?" he asked, she was clearly out of practice at multiple continuous orgasms.

"Noo, no," she pleaded, but her hips said, 'Yes, yes' instead as they thrust against him, and he had not left her body yet so he allowed himself to harden again and thrust back into her, his hands on her backside, squeezing her cheeks, grinding her onto him. God, she felt so alive, so good. So fucking perfect.

"Edward," she screamed, pulling on his hair, throwing her head back and becoming completely crazed and at his mercy.

"Come on Baby, we can do this," he pledged and she groaned as he lifted her then slammed her down on him. It felt so amazing, nothing else registered in either brain and all they were, all they had become was a single entity, seeking, searching for relief. His lips sought her nipples and he sucked her hard, suckling at one breast then the other until she couldn't stand it and he could feel her body shaking and pulsing and coming again around him.

"Yes, good girl," he encouraged and let himself release again.

They both clutched madly, both needed to close the almost non existent gap between their bodies, arms wrapped around torsos, lips locked together, bodies rocking as one.

She sagged first and he smiled mid kiss and held her tight. Bella rested her head on his shoulder and was loathe to part from him. No man had ever know her body like he did. And he remembered every move she had ever enjoyed and had given them all to her in this one coupling.

It was lucky she wasn't marrying him, she would spontaneously combust if he did this on a regular basis.

Finally they stilled and she laughed a little self consciously.

"Okay, I did forget how awesome you are at that," she admitted ruefully. "Or maybe all that practice has improved your performance," she guessed.

"Nobody has ever responded like that, only you," he admitted, kissing her face with little pecks.

"I guess our bodies remember each other and mine likes what yours did," she smirked.

"I know, and my body loves your body," Edward agreed.

Her cell phone, lying there forgotten, trilled and she reluctantly answered it.

"Jane, hi, good morning. Yes, I am mid interview as we speak. Um, at a little breakfast bistro in Forks. Great service, I had forgotten how friendly small town inhabitants can be."

Edward grinned wickedly and leaned down to attach his mouth to her nipples again.

She shook her head and he placed his hands on her back so she couldn't move back, away.

"I'm asking all the questions, Edward is just being a little _naughty_ and not answering," she said, trying to remember to keep breathing. Deep and regular breathing, in and out. Oh God no.

She felt him harden inside her and he bucked and stroked her body, relishing the heat she was radiating.

"I can't ask him _number four_, I have never asked anyone _four_ questions," she babbled, trying to escape but his hands went straight to her hips and held her tight in a vicelike grip.

"Oh God, I will call you back, I just..I'm just.."

She dropped the phone and felt her treacherous body sing again, louder, longer, harder and all she could see was stars.

"Oh God, oh God, no, not four, I have never done four in a row, you never made me come more than three times before," she gasped.

"How many times is your record, your personal best?" he asked her.

"That would be four," she replied. "Edward, most guys...every other man I have been with has assumed once was enough, I've never felt...I've never come more than once with anyone else. With most I never came at all."

"Then you have been fucking the wrong guys," he told her.

"Clearly," she replied.

She disentangled from his body and walked into his shower, knowing he was right behind her.

He turned on the multiple shower heads and pulled her in with him and started at the top of her head, washing her hair, then changing shampoo for shower gel and washing her throat, her breasts, her stomach, between her legs. She flinched a little, and he touched her with a more gentle pressure as he washed the gel away again.

His hands made circles on her ass cheeks as he washed them clean and his hands moved up her back, and his lips caught hers and kissed her gently as he worked. He slid his soapy hands around, and gently washed her mound.

"Don't try..please, have mercy," she pleaded and he laughed.

"Okay, no number five, not this time. But one day you will ask me and I will give you the fifth as well," he promised, kissing her again, his hands resting lightly on her shoulders.

Finally he turned the water off and handed her a towel then wrapped her wet body with a second one. Bella twisted the towel around her hair and tied it turban style and turned to face him as he dried his own body.

"Edward, nobody can know..."

"It's okay, I understand," he replied, still too high from the amazing love making to take offence at what she was saying. She would be back. There was no way she could settle for someone pale and ordinary in bed again. She remembered now, in great detail and she would miss having four orgasms in a row and she would want him inside her again.

And he would wait.

There was no point pretending and screwing round, now he had been with her again.

Nobody else would do for him, either.

Her phone trilled and she picked it up.

"I have to take this," she said quietly, moving away from him.

"Jake? Hi. No, not lost. Just sleeping in Alice's room. God, it was wild. Lots of people, too much Southern Comfort, yeah, I'm paying today. Hmm? Seven o'clock tonight? Sure, I can meet you there, then. Bye."

"So, we got away with it," Edward stated. Bella frowned.

"God, I'm not proud. I shouldn't have..."

"Of course you should have. We had fun, as far as I know there are no laws against having fun, not yet."

He opened the mini bar fridge beside his bed and filled two glasses with ice cubes and fruit juice, handing her one and sipping his own, sucking a cube into his mouth and crushing it with his teeth.

He held up a hand towards her, in the air, so high she would have to reach to slap it.

"What do I want?" he asked.

Bella frowned."You..want me to slap your hand in victory?"

He shook his head. "I want you to give me?" he prompted.

"Give me five," Bella replied.

"Don't mind if I do, I didn't really expect you to ask me this quick," he replied, ripping the towel from her body and laying her across his bed.

She started to protest but when he opened her thighs and placed his ice cold mouth on her hot, wet entrance, she stopped talking and simply opened her legs wider, relishing the feeling of his gentle tongue against her overworked center. The cube had cooled his tongue and it felt like pure ice rubbing against her.

"Mmmm, mmmmm," she hummed as he started circling her nerves with the point of his tongue. He teased her to almost breaking point, so she waited for the release, then he abruptly stopped, licking her entrance again. Then his tongue moved back, when she calmed down and he started again. Once more, she began to hum, as he circled her clit again. He felt her tense and start to gently buck against his mouth, and he withdrew again.

"Edward," she moaned, frustrated.

"This time, three times is the charm, remember?"

Bella laughed, this was an old trick of his. Bringing her to the brink with his tongue twice, then finally following through the third time so she came so hard she screamed.

She waited and felt the build up start again, slowly, gradually.

Her entire body started to buzz and he suddenly bit down gently on her sex and she screamed in complete ecstasy.

Wave after wave hit her body and Edward lay there, feeling them with his mouth which barely touched her now as she writhed and flopped back, too exhilarated and exhausted to move.

She was boneless, floppy, done. He sucked her lightly, tenderly, tasting her juices in his mouth, remembering them.

Edward scooted up onto the bed and lifted her body into his arms and rocked her like a baby.

His lips kissed her hair, the turban towel now gone, and moved down, on her cheeks, her throat.

Her lips. He pushed his tongue inside and felt her taste herself on his tongue.

So fucking sweet, her taste filled his mouth still.

He was surprised to see small tears track down her face and he leaned in and kissed them away.

"Just memories, sweet memories," she shrugged, and Edward lay their bodies down, spooning hers and pulling a blanket over them both.

Bella slept.

Edward whispered in her ear.

"I've never done that to anyone else, Bella. I've never wanted to. Only you, Baby, only you make me have to taste your sweet nectar, my love. I've missed that taste but mostly, Bella, I've missed you. Don't leave me again, please."

He said a lot more things, things he couldn't bring himself to say when she was awake and listening to him. How he hated his life, how all he ever wanted was her, how if he could go back he would have trotted off to college and become a plumber or a baker or whatever it took to have made her realise the whole 'I wanna be famous' was every teenage boys dream, and it rarely happened. He'd been one of the lucky ones who had landed on his feet in an industry that ate young boys alive and spat out their bones.

He did love making music, and the band was dear to his heart but he would have been just as happy meeting up with Emmett and Jasper and being a garage band. So long as he had her inside the house that garage belonged to, he would have had the best possible life. Not this sham. Not this empty, loveless existence.

He wanted to scream and yell at the kids in the audience who would do anything to swap places with him, just don't. Don't do it. There's nothing here for you but money and the adoration of strangers and it doesn't count. It just doesn't have meaning. And no matter what anybody tells you, money cannot buy you love.

It can buy you sex, it can buy you a wife who would swear she would love you even if you were just the guy who ran the local video rentals shop, but you would know. And you would choose the flashiest one from the bunch, the one that would impress the most of your peers. But it wasn't love, it wasn't remotely related to anything that had been related to love.

And The Beatles were right.

Love is all there is.

A man in a bedsit in London, with a boring job but a woman who loves him in his bed; a man in a beach shack catching his meals from the sea, wondering where his next dollar would come from, if he had a wife who loved him, he had more than Edward Cullen had.

She moved restlessly in her sleep and Edward stretched his body out, flat on the bed on his back and she moved until her head lay on his chest, then she slept soundly and still again. He wrapped his arms lightly around her and kissed the top of her almost dry hair. Then his body pulled him into an exhausted slumber.

When he awoke, she was gone.

It was as if she had never been here. As if she never existed.

Her clothes were gone, her scent was gone and his body didn't feel the buzz.

She was gone.

Edward went downstairs in search of food and encountered his sister sitting at the table in the vast kitchen, nibbling on toast and sipping fragrant coffee.

"So, brother, how many girls stayed with you last night?" she asked.

"How many do you think?" he replied.

Alice counted on her fingers.

"Five. If they only got one thrill each this morning, then it was five. A new record for you."

"Five is fast becoming my favorite number," Edward replied.

"And no crying in the shower after they left. That's good. New."

Edward froze.

"Come on, you think I haven't heard you sob your heart out once the skanks go home? I never understood how it could be worth the fucking if it always left you so torn up and broken. Maybe it's time to start thinking about settling down. I don't mean rushing some gold digger down the aisle or even declaring your undying love, but maybe getting yourself just one girl to sleep with? Things like that can change, sometimes if you are intimate with one person for a while, you can start having feelings for them. Wouldn't you like to feel something again, Edward?"

Jasper entered the kitchen and kissed Alice, openly, not bothering to hide anything any more.

"Can I get you some breakfast?" she asked.

"Sure, Darlin', whatever you feel like making me is fine. But just so you know, Jasper goes crazy for pancakes. Especially blueberry pancakes. Edward, got time for a quick smoke outside," he asked, which alerted Edward to the real message.

_Come outside so we can talk without Alice._

_"_Edward? Pancakes? " Alice asked and he nodded, not yet able to look her in the face. He had no idea she knew. How the fuck had she heard him? She was always in a room away from his, so how did she know how he broke down when the cold reality of his life caught up each time?

Jasper led the way and lit two cigarettes, handing one over. Edward inhaled deeply and pulled himself back together.

"Trouble in Paradise already?" Edward asked as they walked away from the house, far enough away to not be overheard by anyone inside.

"No, I just thought you might want to thank me for taking Bella home earlier today. Before anyone here knew it was her who stayed over with you. I'm assuming you enjoyed her as much as she enjoyed you?"

"Jasper, I asked her for one night and fuck, it was an amazing night. Well, morning. I couldn't touch her while she was...tired and emotional. But this morning, she indicated my attention was not unwanted..."

"And you screwed her brains out."

"No, I made love to her. You would be thinking it's been so long, I would have forgotten how to do that but just being with her brings it all back. Everything she likes, everything she needs to relax and let go."

"And the...um...other women shall we say, aren't a deterrent?"

"I don't think she really thought that part through. It will hit her, at some point and she may well hate herself for allowing me inside her but whatever the repercussions, it was worth it. It was amazing, Jas. For a few hours that fucking empty space where my heart used to be was whole again."

"So, what happens next? I'm your wingman, I can get you a couple of blonds to fill your bed tonight if that's what you want but I'm guessing maybe those ladies just ran out of luck."

"Definitely. You need to get the word out that Edward Cullen no longer fucks around."

"So, instead he does what?"

"He fights for his woman. He does all he can to lure her back to him. If it begins with sex, I can cope with that. If that's all she wants from me, then at least it gets her into my bed and my arms and I can make her realise what we had was golden. She cried a little, when she had a memory. I wish to God I could just read her mind and know what made her weep like that. Something's missing in her life and I want to bring whatever it is back to her. Jasper, why did you kiss her like that?"

"You saw that? I guess because I love her. Not like I love Alice, like she belongs here, with you. She's one of us, one of the group. She's your woman and the sooner everyone knows that, the better. And she just looked like a girl who needed a show of affection. I don't think she knows how much you love her, even though it's obvious to a blind man. I will do whatever it takes, Edward. Don't expect me to take the moral high ground and remind you she is promised to another man. She is yours and we will get her back where she belongs. Take that dog down, man. He's used to fucking anyone handy, no reason he can't keep that little game going."

"Jacob doesn't fuck around. He has a sex friend. Leah."

"Maybe he does but I myself have walked on him in bed with more than one woman, maybe one of them was Leah, I didn't stick around for an id parade. But that man is no better than the rest of us."

"Jasper, you know you have never fallen to our level. You don't fuck randoms."

"No, Edward? I fucked a few girls to get Maria out of my system, girls I was just using and taking advantage of, and I'm not proud of that. And it wasn't them that did it. It was Alice. I guess all I needed to do was wait until I met a woman or realized that woman was already right in front of me. The woman who could fill my heart again. I feel great, Edward. I thought when Maria left my life was over and now , if I could turn back time, I'd kick her out myself and a lot earlier, before she fucking tore my heart to shreds."

"Jas, that reminds me. Remember how I became in charge of your candy when you were depressed over Maria? And I made sure you never took more than was safe? I need you to do that for me. I have a feeling the future will be one long, rocky road and I'm going to visit a very dark place many times before I get what I want, so I need you to keep me alive, when I'm not capable. Punch me in the mouth, drag me by the hair, just make me stop if things get too close to the point of no return, okay?"

"Edward, I'm your wingman, I've got your back, man."

"Thanks, Jasper."

"What are you two ladies talking about?" Emmett called, running out to join them.

He grabbed the pack of cigarettes and lit up, glancing up at his bedroom window.

"Fuck, Emmett, she won't let you smoke?"

"She doesn't like smoker's breath but I'm thinking it's worth what she does to me instead, as my reward."

"You, my man, are so whipped," Jasper laughed.

"Pussy whipped for sure, but what a pussy! Man, I have to stop this, I can't risk Rosie catching me at it." He dropped the cigarette after one last long drag and ground it out into the lawn then picked up the butt. "So Isabella Marie stayed over last night? I have to admit, whatever you two did was very quiet until this morning. Then she certainly announced to everyone she was still here."

"How do you know if that was Bella?" Edward hedged, mindful of her need for nobody to know.

"Jesus, Edward, she screams the same as she did in High School. Come on, we all got a year of listening to that before you moved into Charlie's house and let us sleep at night. What's the big deal? Bella's Bella. We all love her and you two were always going to get back together. Why are we pretending it was some skank? I know our sister is ashamed you had a whole train lined up in your bedroom last night, honestly, she is not thinking straight. I think Jasper has her dickmatized."

"Okay, it was Bella but she has promised to marry Jacob Black. And she asked me not to let anyone know she stayed here, with me, last night. I kind of kidnapped her and took her to my room and intended doing very bad things while she was blathered, but my conscience stopped me. Then this morning, Bella wanted us to do some things, so we did. But I'm not a hundred per cent sure she would have come to my bedroom if I'd asked her, before she started drinking."

"Hmm, little Bells, marrying Jake? I can't see it myself. Want us to go beat on his ass? We could drop him out of the plane on the next trip."

"Seriously, Emmett, have you seen Jake with randoms? I just think Bella believes he sticks with Leah and I'm going to need to use anything I can to make her look my way again."

"Sure, Jake's one of us. Fucks anything that walks and wiggles her ass in front of him."

"Speaking for myself, those days are over," Edward stated.

"Oh, me too. I have the steak at home now. I would never cheat on Rose."

"And Jasper's all loved up with Alice. So, Midnight Sin just became untouchable. We need to brief the security guards everywhere we go. Nobody gets backstage. Nobody, no matter how many times they were welcome before, nobody gets up close and personal with any of us. And we have each other's backs, right?"

"Right," Emmett and Jasper agreed.

"Maybe we should change our name to The Reborn Virgins," Emmett laughed. "Fuck, that would take one hell of a rebirthing process. The past is the past, from now on we be the kind of boys Mom always wished we were, and keep ourselves for the women we love and nobody else. No sex, no blowjobs, no handjobs, nothing. Faithful and true," Emmett stated with sincerity that had never been part of his vocab before. "No more fans kneeling in the drum kit, sucking me off on stage."

Edward and Jasper both choked on their cigarette smoke.

"Really? Seriously? While we were performing?"

Emmett shrugged. "Nobody could see them, I only ever let one girl do it at a time. Sheez, don't start telling me now it's over there were rules?"

Edward shook his head and stubbed out the butt.

"Okay, Operation Bring Bella Back begins today," Jasper announced. "Now, where are my fucking pancakes? That damn pixie made me use up my entire week's intake of calories."

"Too much information," her brothers both groaned and headed inside.

Edward grabbed his cell and sent Bella a text.

_High Five. Or down below. Wink._

**_Review, review, I like this story and that doesn't happen a lot. Give me a reason to keep writing it. Cheers._**


	4. Chapter 4

The One That Got Away

Chapter 4

"Hey, I think we need to be honest, right? We can't help you if we don't say what we think," Jasper began. The parents were off in Seattle, staying overnight, with Alice and Rose, showing the 'new girl' around. Hoping she would find the shopping there adequate, if she did end up marrying Emmett. They felt this was possible, already, because Emmett had never been like this with any girl ever before. All girls were to him were toys and if they gave him lip, he tossed them aside and took the next in line.

This was so different it bordered on bizarre. Rose bossed him around like a Sergeant Major and Emmett asked how high to jump.

"Okay, hit me with honesty," Edward replied.

"Think about this. Remember a certain black haired fangirl you were quite superficially attracted to but you decided to never invite back again after the way she acted after your one and only night together?"

"Oh, Sulky Suzy," Emmett volunteered. "You had a lot of fun you said then you told me not to bother going there and you crossed her off the list of return visits."

"Sure," Edward replied. He wasn't entirely comfortable now, talking about the women. They'd gone from somewhat necessary, to just wrong.

"Well, she sat in the club the next few nights, crying into her beer, acting all hurt because you had refused to kiss her or go home and meet her folks and all that shit. The point is, you got over her in quick time because she made you feel bad about yourself. The girls who took it all in their stride, like Victoria, you were willing to use again.

You liked happy, you hated sad. I think you need to learn how to be happy alone. Don't place your happiness in anybody else's hands, even Bella's. She isn't meant to have to make you happy. _You_ have to make _you_ happy. And I bet, if she sees you just enjoying life, not looking like you want to curl up and die, she will be more attracted to you. Everybody basically likes people that are already happy with their lives. Guilt is never going to make her come back, so don't go there."

"Okay, so, be happy. Fake being happy."

"Sometimes if you fake something long enough, it becomes the truth."

"So, hide my feelings and be happy."

"Sure, she must have some idea about how you feel. I know you would have broken down and told her you love her and begged her to come back already?"

"Yeah, but she was asleep at the time."

"That's good, that's great. It's fine for her to know you care for her and want her, just don't be too needy."

"Also, I don't like the whole Jake bashing thing. It could backfire. Think about how it makes you feel when politicians rubbish one another, it just pisses you off at both of them, and you don't even care who is right."

"Yeah, Jake will hang himself, just give him enough rope," Emmett agreed."His weakness is multiple bed partners, he will never just settle for Bella alone. And she will find out about it and probably run to you for comfort and advice. Don't see it as a chance to destroy him or she may decide you are using her pain to further your own needs. Let her figure it out for herself. Just be there for her, that's all girl's want. Men want to fix things, girls just want to be heard."

"I've never had issues with Jake before this anyway," Edward admitted.

"And," Jasper added, "we need to be really careful if we try the jealousy thing because Bella was never convinced she was good enough for you, so you dating Tanya would probably only confirm in her head that Tanya was the better choice for you. She could go all martyr and leave town so you can have the life with the woman she thinks deserves to be with you."

"So, the plan is...?" Edward checked, confused.

"Be yourself. Be your happy self. You basically have a great life, all you need is Bella to make it perfect. Her absence is the only thing that you hurt about, so just be a great friend, and she will see being with you could be incredible fun. Being stuck on the Rez with two screaming kids and not a lot of money, not so much fun. But don't point that out, she will think of it herself."

"And keep having awesome sex with her, she definitely likes your moves in the bedroom," Emmett suggested.

"Okay, be myself, be happy, have awesome sex. Got it."

"Oh, and no ultimatums, girls hate those. Let her choose in her own time," Jasper concluded."And we don't play fair. There's no room for fair here."

"And go get us all a beer," Emmett ended with.

X~x~X

Bella waited nervously at the table Jacob had booked and looked around at the other diners. So many couples, but things were not always as they seemed. Look at her. Waiting for a man who wanted her after spending 'quality' time with an altogether different beautiful man entirely.

"Bells,"Jake said, walking swiftly to the table, pausing to kiss the cheek she offered. She couldn't imagine letting him kiss her lips after Edward had ravaged them.

"So, how is Billy?" Bella asked politely.

"He won't get the results for a few days but the specialist was pretty sure there is nothing that horrendous around the corner. He said it would be unusual for some new problem to manifest itself all these years after the accident."

Jake's parents had been together in a horrific car accident when Jake was small, and his mother had died of her injuries. Billy had been left in a wheelchair but he had rallied, he had three children to raise alone and so he had put aside his own pain and loss and thrown himself into the job. The twin girls had grown and left home and married, and now had children of their own. Jake had been just a toddler and he sadly had so few memories of his Mom , but they were better than none at all.

She had called him "Jakey" and Bella knew he loved it when she used that same nickname for him.

"So, any sign of cold feet?" Bella asked and Jake reddened slightly.

"I admit, it is going to be hard to adjust to just being with one woman," he answered slyly, "But, hey, when that one woman is the best of the lot, I will manage."

"You do realize we have choices. I know Charlie and Billy both want the whole deal but it's our choice, Jake. We don't have to get married, we can just have a baby, or whatever."

"Are you having second thoughts?" Jake asked warily.

"Of course, it would be crazy if I wasn't. If you weren't. I mean, twenty five, who came up with that cut off point? Don't most Plan B's start at 30? Even 35?"

"Maybe but the thing is, by thirty you have more chance of being hit by a bus than getting married and if either of us have reproductive issues, we need to find out now. It's nothing to take five years to conceive if there's any issues that way."

"So, we should have the baby but I'm still unsure about the wedding. Let's face it, it's not the fairytale our father's are making it out to be. It's not a love match as such, more a marriage of convenience," Bella said, looking at the menu and frowning.

"Yeah but neither of us have found anyone else, it makes sense to do this," Jake protested.

"Tell me ten good reasons to go ahead and I'll play devil's advocate and come up with ten against."

"My father loves you, and he pretty much hates every other girl I ever dated.

Your father loves me and wishes I was his son, even though..."

Bella looked up.

"Even though what?"

"Um, sorry, lost my train of thought. Your Dad loves me."

"Okay, that's two."

"Charlie misses you and wants you living back here near him. You are his only daughter."

"Three."

"Um, we have always gotten along together really well. Like, more than friends, don't you think?"

"Hmm, maybe. I do think of you as my best friend but I'm not sure that makes you husband material."

"Oh I'm husband material, never doubt that. I have a good job, and you could come on the road with the band if you wanted."

"The jury is out on that one. Let's wait until I see first hand just what traveling with the band entails."

"Will it bother you? Having Cullen around? We lowly ones really see very little of him, he's always practising or writing with Jasper or off with his groupies, so he really isn't much of a consideration."

"Oh, of course, the groupies," Bella sighed. She really preferred to forget about them. Though she may have joined their ranks now. That made her want to laugh. To think Edward Cullen had once been all hers and had loved her. Now it just sounded impossible but there had been a time.

Those really were the days. She had feelings back then, unlike now. It was almost as if going to Italy had been the door to entirely different time as well as place.

If the feelings she had felt for Edward were the strongest feelings she ever felt, then she had a long, empty life in front of her.

No, I have Jake, she reminded herself. I have known him all my life, and I do love Jakey. Okay, not in an all consuming passionate way, but at present, she probably loved him more than she loved anyone else.

Even so, that love barely registered when compared to the way she had felt about Edward, let's be honest. Maybe that type of love was reserved for your fist love. Maybe all love after that was this mediocre variety.

She had been perplexed at the way she had been with Demetri, allowing him into her bed all those years yet nothing more than a strong affection had ever grown between them. She was not ever going to come between him and his wife and he would no more leave his spouse for Bella than fly.

It was still common in Italy for husbands to have a mistress and although she disliked the label, she was simply that to him, and no more.

But that was over too, now. She would miss him a little but it was time she moved on and thought about her future, something she would never have with him. At some point he would give her up and get a younger model, maybe not for ten years but then, how many other men would be looking for a mistress her age then? And she didn't want that meaningless existence to go on forever.

Jake was definitely the better option.

After all, there were no other choices open to her, were there?

The waitress appeared beside them and Bella chose the steak. She was in a red meat mood and felt like she needed a hit of iron.

The buzz started, it was some weird thing that happened to her now and then, she always used to joke and say it was her ovaries calling her. She shifted uncomfortably in her chair, confused. Usually she had only ever felt that when Edward was around but maybe Jake was somehow finally able to have an effect on her as well. That could only be a good thing.

The waitress gasped and Bella looked up at the woman, who was smoothing her hair, and licking her red lipsticked lips and not listening to a word Bella was saying.

"Oh my God, I knew they were home but this close? I've never seen them this close," the woman gushed.

Bella turned and felt herself smile as the three local heroes walked inside, clearly talking about something amusing as all three were laughing.

"Oh God, do you think I could ask them for an autograph?" the waitress simpered. "For my daughter, of course."

"Of course," Bella grinned. Edward and the boys just had this effect on all women of any age, but wasn't that inevitable? So fucking hot and sexy. And Jasper and Emmett were gorgeous, too.

"Look, you get our orders through and I'll guarantee you an autograph from all three of them," Bella promised.

"You know them?" the woman said, her eyes lighting up.

"Jake, here, works as their roadie. So, if we could eat soon? That would be great, thanks."

The woman backed away to the kitchen and Bella smiled and shook her head at Jake.

"So, where were we?" Jake said, grabbing a bread stick. "Our marriage would make complete sense. It's written in the stars. I was thinking, would you like a themed wedding? They seem to be the in thing?"

Bella gazed over Jake's shoulder, watching the three men as they brought their waitress to a near heart attack. Jasper was doing his smiley thing, Emmett was pretending he was unconsciously flexing his chest muscles and Edward was watching and laughing.

"Bella?" Jake said.

"Poor woman will wet herself if they don't stop," Bella grinned. "Sorry, what did you say?"

"I said maybe we could be married by a cross dresser in women's lingerie while we were all bungy jumping, what do you think? Bella?"

"Hmm? Oh, sure whatever. Just no big dress or...oh God, Jasper is totally going to make that poor woman faint, he just touched her hand. She will never wash it again."

"Are you even listening to me? They are just Whitlock and the Cullen's, you don't have to go all fan girl."

"Don't be ridiculous," Bella replied, still unable to take her eyes off Edward. He didn't seem to have seen her and she was fighting the impulse to cross the room and kiss him..no, not kiss him, that would be ridiculous, she was here with Jake. Maybe she would just wait until he looked her way and wave. There was nothing wrong with waving.

"Bella, you are happy to be covered in whipped cream and sprinkles instead of a wedding dress, that's a yes then?" Jake said irritably.

"I should...," Bella replied, unable to remember what she was going to say.

The boys' waitress walked away, bright red and giggling, and Bella knew how she felt. She'd never seen Jas and Emm like this, as the members of Midnight Sin. They'd just been her boyfriend's brother and friend before. Now she could totally understand their attraction and fame. Really, how could they fail as a band, even if they were crap at playing and singing, women would buy tickets to their concerts just to sit and look at the three of them for a couple of hours.

She knew Jasper was great on the guitar and Edward could play anything and make it sing like the voice of an angel. Anything.

Guitar, piano, her body...

"Bella, your food will get cold," Jake snarked and she shook her head and picked up her knife and fork. She felt Jake watching her so she kept her eyes on the plate and carved off pieces of steak and ate them. It was completely tasteless, for some reason but she ate it all and placed the silverware across the empty plate and looked up at Jacob, just sparing the quickest glance across the room.

X~x~X

Jasper laughed and kicked at Edward's foot under the table.

"She's watching again. Look at me and laugh, she's only just managing to resist the urge to run over here and jump you."

Edward laughed and Jasper grinned and idly scanned the room just as Bella stood and started walking their way.

"Bella! Our beautiful little Bella!" Emmett boomed, standing up, stalking towards her.

He grabbed her in his embrace like they hadn't seen each other for twenty years and kissed her soundly on the lips, as the three had decided.

He placed her feet back on the ground and she blushed bright red, never having been kissed by him before. Jasper immediately stood and kissed her just the same way, thus allowing Edward to follow suit.

It was all part of the plan.

Edward stood and took her into his arms, his eyes gazing into hers. She looked stunned, shocked by the greetings and he lowered his head and gently took her lower lip into his mouth, kissing her sweetly but soundly. The kiss went on a little too long to be polite and he felt her sag a little against him.

"Jacob! Come sit with us," Jasper called.

Edward turned and held out a hand to Jacob but kept his other arm firmly around Bella.

"Good to see you, Jake. Enjoying being home? We certainly are. Being in Forks would be in the top five things I like doing," Edward stated with a grin.

Bella was frozen there, unable to think clearly. Finally she spoke.

"Um, our waitress, Rhonda, she wants an autograph and I said I would ask you all," she stuttered.

"Anything for you, Bella," Emmett replied.

"Yeah, Bella, anything we can ever do for you, just ask," Jasper confirmed.

"Anything," Edward whispered in her ear, making her skin gooseflesh.

"So, sit, I'm sure Rhonda will bring your dessert over here," Jasper said, pulling more chairs from the adjoining table and sitting Jake down beside him, and Bella across beside Edward.

They all sat and Emmett started telling them a story about Rosalie and her 'rules' and had them all in fits of laughter.

Edward slid a hand under the table and took Bella's hand in his own and held it there, fingers entwined. She glanced up at him and he smiled.

He somehow managed to eat his meal one handed, refusing to release hers as he attacked the pasta dish the other giggly waitress placed in front of him. After they had eaten, Jasper pushed his plate back and turned to Edward.

"Edward, I have some roadie shit to discuss with Jake here, seeing we are all here together, it seems like a good opportunity. Why don't you take Bella out on the dance floor and I can explain the changes and all that to him, she'd just be bored listening in and you never know anything about the basic logistics of keeping a band on the road," he said .

"Oh, sure, Bella?" he asked, and she nodded and stood and he grabbed her hand again and led her out of the dining part of the club onto the dancefloor. A tribute band were playing and had just finished a rather loud song. He kissed Bella's hand.

"I'll be right back, don't move."

She nodded and watched him cross to the small stage.

Edward walked up to the singer and handed him a roll of notes.

"Shit, you're Edward Cullen," the young man gasped.

"Always have been. Now, we want slow songs, okay?" he stated and the boy nodded, his mouth agape. "Slow, quiet, romantic songs," Edward elaborated and walked back, taking Bella into his arms as the music started again.

"So, anyone want to know where you were last night?" he asked, moving them around the dance floor.

"I was with Alice, you know that."

"And did you have fun?" he questioned.

"I did, but that sort of fun has to end soon, I am getting ...whatever."

"Second thoughts?" Edward asked casually.

"I'm just keep thinking, I'm twenty five, not thirty five. There's plenty of time and I love my job and somehow the idea of settling down seems less appealing. I thought it was what I wanted but, I dunno. We could just get engaged, or live together."

"So, when does the fun have to end? I probably need to know that," he asked quietly.

"When Jake and I get engaged, I imagine. I would never cheat on my fiance."

"Of course you wouldn't. That would be wrong. When is the engagement?"

"Not tonight," Bella grinned and Edward stepped back a little and smiled.

"That's good news. So, when the ring appears on your finger, I have to back off and leave you alone."

"Hmm, I guess so," she answered glumly.

"It's a deal then. You come and show me his engagement ring on your finger and I promise from that day forward, I will never lay a finger on you again," he replied, nuzzling her neck lightly.

"Or inside you," he whispered, feeling her sag against him."But until that day comes around, you and I are going to have some fun, Isabella."

She nodded and lay her head on his chest as he kept them dancing, the floor now becoming crowded around them. He liked that, now it felt like they were being hidden, and the lack of space forced them to be very close together indeed. He could feel her nipples were erect as she moved against his chest and he kissed the top of her head gently.

"_I believe in karma what you give is what you get returned,_

_I believe you can't appreciate real love 'til you've been burned,_

_I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side,_

_I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye,"_

he sang quietly to her, along with the band.

Bella felt the beginning's of tears in her eyes, the memory of saying Goodbye to him still ranked as the hardest thing she had ever done in her entire life. She rarely thought about it, and kept those memories at arm's length, but the words forced them back into her head.

"I'm sorry," she said, and Edward paused.

"What are you sorry for?"

"I'm sorry I hurt you back then. I know it doesn't matter now but I am truly sorry if I hurt you, Edward."

He held her tighter and moved them slowly, staying in the one spot, just swaying, as the other dancers moved around them.

"You did hurt me, but thank you for being sorry," he replied. He knew she had no idea what she had done when she walked away from him. Nobody but Jasper and his family had witnessed the long months were he couldn't function as even a basic human being, and he had rarely left his room. Jasper would come and sit on his couch and play his guitar, Emmett would bring him cigarettes and booze and little pills that gave him some relief from the pain.

His Mom had cooked his favorite meals and ordered him to shower and change his clothes, and Carlisle and done the useless little pep talks about looking forward, not back and many more fish in the sea and finally, his threat to have Edward committed for a rest in a hospital had forced him to start to function again. The easiest opening had been writing songs with Jasper, so that was the first step back to normality, and gradually they started playing as a band again as they had during High School and then the idea of seeing if they had what it took emerged and next thing, there they were. Midnight Sin.

The local girls had adored them and filled the concert hall and on the first anniversary of her going, he had taken his first fan girl to a motel and slept with her.

He hadn't wanted to or even enjoyed it much but the boys and Alice were so uptight around him, always scared he would do something reckless and permanent. Emmett had suggested sex might help. He had to at least not stay true to a girl who would never be back. It had been new and different and another way to numb the pain and at the time, anything that numbed that pain was so very desirable.

And it became a habit. When he couldn't cope with never finding her out there, in the crowd, one girl or another had given him a distraction. Just for a little moment in time but while she was there, wanting him, he didn't feel so empty. The emptiness came after she left, but that didn't mean he wanted any of them to stay. The fallout was inevitable, he liked them to go so he could just get it over with. He assumed one day he would stop feeling so bad and in time, with the help of his friends and his crutches,his life became tolerable. The alcohol, the recreational drugs, the sex. Everyone assumed he had the life every male his age really wanted, but he never had felt that way.

He envied the men in the audience with their boring jobs and their wives and apartments. He hated the cold slap of reality, that he could never have that because the only girl he wanted it with was gone.

But now here she was, in his arms, crying quietly into his shirt. He knew she was confused and he also knew he was not going to step back and let her sort out what she wanted because first he had to make her see him as a contender.

She didn't, not yet.

She may be wavering about choosing Jacob but that was not because she saw him as the other choice and until she did, all he could do was be with her as often as possible and hold her every chance he got. Sure, Jake would probably punch him in the face at some point, for the PDA's he fully intended keeping up, but that was a very small price to pay for times like these.

The band started a new song and Edward joined in.

"I wait in the darkness

Frozen winds surround my face

In the cover of darkness I can make believe it's you

I feel you like the rain

I feel you like a storm cloud buildin' in my heart

I wonder if you know the pain to want the one thing that you haven't got

Just a twist in time

You could be mine

Just a sip of wine

And you could be mine

Just a kiss divine."

X~x~X

"So, here's the thing, Jake. Emmett's got himself a lady and she is a remarkable lady, right?" Jasper stated.

They all agreed.

"Amen to that," Emmett replied, slamming his glass down on their table.

Jasper filled Jake's glass again and added a little top up to his own and Emmett's drinks.

"So, dilemma, right? He is used to having any lady he wants anytime he wants and now he has to make a choice. Rose or the ladies? Not easy. You can understand that, Jake?"

Jake nooded. "Sure, it's never easy."

"And I knew you would be the man to understand, seeing as how you yourself have to give up all those wonderful willing ladies soon, when you and Bella get married, right."

"Hmm, right," Jake mumbled.

"And the thing is, Emmett likes group sex, you know. He likes a whole group of ladies in his bed, and now there's this choice. Rosalie or all those willing, wet, talented ladies who are happy sharing and taking turns. So, you can see his problem, yeah?"

"Sure, I can unnerstand," Jake slurred. "I mean, I myself just like the two ladies at a time, but I can see it would prolly be cool to have more and I should try that before the wedding, right?"

"Oh, absolutely," Emmett confirmed. "I'm going to say four to six, no more or it gets confusing...did I fuck that one yet? Did I leave anyone out?"

"Sure, sure, I unnerstand," Jake agreed.

"I told you Jake would be the one to understand," Jasper stated and poured another round from the bottle of Jack.

"You know, once you get married, that's it. All that fun and friendly ladies are behind you. I mean, that's okay, right? Because you will have the one woman, just the one, forever. No more than just her, until you die. And of course, you will have kids and that's gotta be fun. Kids screaming and fighting and eating up your paycheck and driving the little woman nuts but it's the life we all want. Not moving around the world, fucking endless beautiful women. We want to settle down, don't we, Jake?" Emmett asked.

Jake carefully replaced his glass on the table.

"Guys, I just dunno...I mean, it seemed like what I wanted but now..."

"Understandable, right Emmett? It's a big step, a big change. This next tour could be your last, Jake. I can't imagine Bella will agree to live on the Rez and want you going off on tour with us, right? And you can't drag her and the kids with you. And it would make things hard for the other roadies, seeing you all happy while all they had was endless lines of women..."

"I gotta think about this," Jake stated loudly.

"You really do. Hey, let me get you a cab. I don't think you should be driving."

"Bella'll take me home," Jake protested.

"No, she has this meeting with Alice. Our manager, remember? They have to schedule interviews and stuff. "

"Tonight?" Jake questioned.

"Oh yeah, has to be tonight. Alice is all booked up every other night. Has to be tonight. So you could get a taxi and go home and think about things and we could take Bella to see Alice and she could call you tomorrow? Good plan?"

"Good plan."

"Now, don't you be sneaking off into Leah's bed or anything, right, Jake? All that fun is behind you now."

Jake lay his head on the table.

"She coming?" Jasper asked quietly.

"At the door as we speak," Emmett said, standing up. "Leah, good of you to come. Jake's a bit under the weather. I'll help him to your car. You should stay with him tonight, make sure he is okay."

X~x~X

"I need to go to the bathroom," Bella said, stepping back out of Edward's arms. He took her hand and walked her to the small hallway and she took her hand back and went inside the Ladies Room.

Looking in the mirror at her flushed cheeks and bright eyes, she shook her head. To think she thought dating Jake might be boring, she was having the time of her life.

Of course, that may be down to Edward. But it was a Jake date. He was here. Somewhere.

She used the facilities and walked out the door, into a pair of strong warm arms and let him walk her backwards, to the dark corner at the end of the hall.

"I just need a kiss," Edward said, leaning down and covering her mouth with his.

She kissed him back and he felt her body coming alive, wanting him.

"You want to come home with me?" he asked.

"I do, I really do, but I came with Jake. Well, I met Jake here, I should just go home alone, I think," she said.

"Okay, come on, I'll hand you back for now. But tomorrow night's mine. Promise."

She smiled.

"Okay, tomorrow night's yours."

"Bella, we have to be together while we can. We can't waste time."

"Okay," she agreed.

"Soon you will be his and his alone and we will just be friends."

"Hmm," she replied, looking a little perplexed at that thought.

"One last dance, come on."

The lilting tones of the lead singer giving life and meaning to another Savage Garden song filled the room.

"And time goes by so slowly

The nights are cold and lonely

I shouldn't be holding on

But I'm still holding on for you

Here I go again

I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today

But I'm standing at your doorway

I'm calling out your name because I can't move on."

X~x~X

Edward walked Bella back to the table and was pleased to notice who wasn't still there.

"Jake had to go, he was a bit drunk," Emmett laughed.

"Off his face actually," Jasper added.

"Oh," Bella frowned. "I should check on him. Make sure he's okay."

"No need. Leah was here, she volunteered to make sure he got home safely."

"It's okay, I guess I get you for a bonus night. You still promised me tomorrow night," Edward reminded her, pulling her out to his car and opening the passenger door.

Bella was quiet in the car on the way back to Edward's and he hoped they hadn't pushed too hard, too fast.

"Jake is still sleeping with Leah," she stated.

"Maybe, I don't know. Does it bother you?" he asked.

"I'm sleeping with you," she continued.

"Does that bother you, then?" Edward frowned.

"It doesn't seem insane to you? Jake and I are supposed to be settling down together and so far, I've been in your bed more than his."

"You've only been in my bed, one night," he replied.

"Exactly, I haven't been in his at all yet. And tonight Leah's in it."

"Maybe you two need to think this through and be sure it's what you both want."

"There are not a lot of options available to me right now," she replied.

"Of course there are. Look around you, I could be an option."

"Edward, I don't think continuing to be your groupie is an option. It's just a bit of fun and when you go on tour and the other groupies are back, I am not going to share, so it ends when the tour begins."

"You are NOT my groupie," he growled. "I'm never touching another groupie. If that's all you want to be, then I will take you home to your house now."

"Then what am I?" she asked, confused.

"Let's see. In Senior Year I thought of you as my wife. I thought we would get married and be together forever. Then you left me, and I had nobody. Nothing. I went to a very dark place and you went to Italy. You dated other men and fucked them then decided you needed a fuck buddy. I fucked groupies and wished I was dead. How are we going so far?"

"You wished you were dead?"

"Bella, you really have no concept of how much I loved you and how much you hurt me, have you?"

"I'm, I'm sorry."

"So you say. But you don't even see me as your Edward now, do you? You see me like they do, Edward Cullen rock singer. Not me."

"You've changed. I've changed. We aren't the same people."

"Well I am. Inside, here, where it counts, I am still the same Edward you loved once," he cried, thumping his chest above his broken heart.

Bella sat in silence and thought maybe it would be best to end this now. She was shocked at the pain in his eyes and on his face. It had been seven years. Seven years most men would sell their souls to experience and he still regretted her going?

"You should take me home to my house," she said.

"Fine, I can do that," he replied. He parked in the driveway and smiled a small smile at the memory of her old red truck and followed her inside.

"You can go, you don't have to stay," she snarked and Edward closed the front door and grabbed her.

"Let me stay. I want to stay. I just want to hold you. Can you let me do that?" Edward asked.

Bella shrugged and led the way up to her old bedroom, where they had spent so many nights together.

Edward sat on the bed and removed his shoes and stripped down to his boxers. Bella removed her dress and hung it up, then paused, wondering what would be appropriate to wear tonight.

He was staying but she didn't imagine much would be happening in the bed, only in her head. She had so much to sort through.

She opened her closet and took down the TShirt she had worn to bed for over a year back in the days of High School. It was bright blue and had his name across the back.

She slipped her bra off and pulled it over her head and slid into bed beside him, feeling him pull her in close as he spooned her body.

How could he be an option?

Too much had happened. Too much time, too many other lovers.

He kissed the top of her head and she sighed and snuggled in closer and slept.


	5. Chapter 5

The One That Got Away

Chapter 5

Bella awoke in the night and turned over. For a minute she thought they were back in High School and this was just another of the many nights they had spent in this room, in this bed. Then her mind cleared and she remembered.

She lay there looking at Edward's face. It was thinner now, his cheeks and jawline more defined. The three days growth of stubble suited him. His lashes were long and luxuriant and she envied them.

His lips...well, they hadn't changed. They still screamed 'kiss me' and she unconsciously licked her own.

She heard him chuckle and looked up again, at his beautiful emerald green eyes that were now watching her.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly, serious now.

"Just thinking."

"Thinking can be good. What are you thinking about?"

"The past and how we ever got to this point. I realize now you still have some issues but I'm not sure what I could do to help you with them. You were part of everything that happened back then, too, yet you seem to think everything was my fault."

"Then talk to me. Explain why you left. It always hurt me terribly that you left so easily, and never looked back. Like we never existed for you."

"Edward, it was never like that."

"Tell me what it was like, then."

"Really? You want to stir everything up again? Now? It's the past and neither of us can change anything that happened."

"Indulge me."

Bella sat up and shifted so her back rested on the headboard as Edward was doing the same. He reached for his cigarettes and lit up, and she shook her head when he offered the cigarette to her.

She let the old memories that she had kept tightly locked in a box somewhere come out and take form for the first time in seven years.

"Okay, here goes. This is what went down and tore us apart."

_Bella stepped from the plane in Florida's airport and thanked God that ordeal was over. She had never been airsick in her life and spending this whole flight throwing up had been horrific, not to mention extremely embarrassing. She hoped she would never encounter any of the passengers who had shared the trip again._

_Renee and Phil stepped forward and she was embraced by each of them in turn._

_"Bella, you look terrible. Your father clearly should never have gone away for a whole year and left you. You should have come and lived here with Phil and I. It would have been fun. Like sisters. Now why do you look so bad?"_

_"Airsick," Bella muttered. "God, where is the restroom, I think I'm still ill."_

_So she then spent another half hour, impossible as it seemed, completely emptying her stomach and Renee had clucked around her like some demented mother hen, holding her hair back, wiping her forehead._

_They walked around outside in the fresh but humid air for a while before heading to their house by the sea._

_"Oaky, sweetie, what is the crisis? I don't think you are here just to catch up, are you?' her Mom stated._

_"Edward and I have been away for a week, compliments of his parents. Trying to decide what to do now school is over. He wants us to take a gap year and just travel, backpacking aound the UK, before committing himself to eight years of studying to become a doctor like his father."_

_"That sounds like a good idea. Phil and I packbacked around Spain, you should consider doing that as well. It's amazing."_

_"Well, Charlie is not keen. He thinks we will lose our chances to go on with our educations if we do this. He's convinced we will decide to stay in England and decide waitressing and other casual jobs are enough and we won't come back."_

_"Bella, don't be so dismissive. Anything that got you two out of Forks would be a good thing. A very good thing. I wish to God I had not wasted all those years of my life there. Not that I regret having you, but apart from that, that part of my life was a nightmare," Renee shuddered. "I waited until you were in school only because I knew it would be easier for Charlie to cope as a single Dad if you were that age. Believe me, I wanted to go earlier, before that damned stick turned positive."_

_"Why didn't you take me with you?"_

_"I knew I would be able to start again and have a great life, and I have. I also knew Charlie would continue to stumble about, lost and confused, unless he had you to care for. And maybe I wanted to make things a little difficult for him and that Sue Clearwater."_

_"What do you mean? He and Sue didn't get together until after you left."_

_"Bella, you are an adult now, so I am going to tell you the truth. It figures Charlie hasn't. He's still your father and he loves you, but he is not quite the upstanding citizen you imagine him to be. He was with Sue when we were all teenagers. They broke up now and then and in one such break, Charlie started dating me. I got pregnant, and 'other options' were not as available as they are now, especially in a town like Forks. We got married and tried to make the best of things. I knew he was seeing her again, by the time you turned two. We fought and argued and I tried to be enough for him then one day, I had an epiphany. I didn't want to be there, in that marriage, in that town. He didn't want me there. Sue didn't want to stay married to Harry even though they had Leah by then, it just made perfect sense for us all if I just packed up and left. So I did._

_I was surprised Sue stayed with Harry all those years afterwards, but then I guess she had a reputation to try and salvage. I mean, with Seth and all. By staying she denied the truth. So, anyway, Charlie and Sue should have been the couple. Them getting caught out in High School would not have been an issue, he would have been overjoyed to have a valid reason to defy her parents, and his, and marry the woman he had always loved. It was all somewhat of a tragedy. But , it's fixed now."_

_Bella had been shocked, she had no idea about any of this. She sipped on the icy cold water her stepfather handed her and stood in panic._

_"How could this still be happening? My stomach must be completely empty by now."_

_She ran for the bathroom and dry retched while her mother stood at the doorway, her eyes narrowed. Once Bella stopped, Renee spoke to Phil and he left in the car. She put a wet washcloth on her daughter's forehead and sat her down._

_"Bella, you and Edward have always taken the proper precautions, right?"_

_"Of course, we aren't stupid."_

_"I know you aren't. You are both very clever students and you know better than to let the same tragedy repeat itself."_

_Phil returned and handed his wife a paperbag and left the bathroom. "Bella, I need you to do this test. You just need to fill this container and we will place the stick in it for three minutes and we will both know then that all you have is some virus or tummy bug. Okay? I just need to know."_

_Bella had done as requested and both sat waiting for the longest three minutes ever._

_"Noooo!" howled Renee, tossing the plastic indicator against the wall. "No. This is not happening. Bella, girls today do not have to be trapped like this. You can exercise your right to choose. I'll take care of everything."_

_Bella walked to the far wall and picked up the stick._

_"I'm pregnant?" she said in shock. "Oh, I'm pregnant! Mom, this isn't a tragedy, Edward proposed to me last week, he will probably be thrilled to bits about this."_

_"Don't be ridiculous. You two are eighteen years old. Thats so young. You are just babies yourselves. I'm not letting this ruin your life like it did mine."_

_"Mom, this is not your decision. It's mine. Edward's and mine and I'm pretty damned sure you will be a grandma in eight months time so start knitting."_

_"Bella, no, please. Just let me fix this and you don't even have to tell him. He will never suspect, you two can go backpacking and have a life and be free and in the future, once he's a qualified doctor and you have your degree, then you can have a baby, or a lot of babies. Bella, be sensible. You are an adult."_

_"And as such, I am choosing to keep this baby. I have to call Edward."_

_His phone rang until it cut off and Bella waited and then tried again. Finally, the third time, it was answered, by his sister._

_"Alice? Are you okay, you sound puffed."_

_"Bella, you wouldn't believe it. You know when the boys played at Prom? There was a talent scout in the hall. An agent he showed his video's to just called, today. He says they are a little raw and rough but he can see they could be the next big thing. He's coming back to hear them play again next year. Bella, we are getting out of Forks!"_

_"That's amazing. Where's Edward? I need to tell him some more good news."_

_"He's celebrating. Jasper and Emmett have taken him out to have a few 'lemonades' and they are possibly trashed already."_

_"Oh. Well, I'll call back later."_

_"Bella, isn't this just the best thing that could ever happen to us all? The boys will fulfil their wish to be famous and guess what, I'm their manager. The world is our oyster. They've signed an agreement. It just means Aro gets first pick and if he thinks they have gotten to a level where they can try and crack the music scene by next year, he will sign them to his label. If he doesn't, then you can bet, I'll be shopping around for another record deal. We are all going to be so famous! And rich! God, I am so excited. Sorry, though, tell me your good news."_

_"Alice, I'm pregnant."_

_The line went quiet._

_"No. Tell me this is a joke. Tell me you are not going to ruin everything! You selfish cow, Bella! You didn't need to do this to trap him! You are going to ruin his life! God, I knew you weren't good for him but I never suspected you would pull this...this cliqued atrocity! What does Renee think about it? Can you stay and live with them? Never tell Edward? Just disappear? Please, Bella, I'm begging you. Don't do this. Edward will not choose you and a kid over the band and being a success. Never."_

_"Well, Alice, I think this is for Edward and I to work out. I'll try again in the morning. Don't try and turn him against me, this is our life and our decision."_

_Bella paced along the beach until it got too dark to make out the surrounding trees and finally went to bed. Her phone trilled around midnight and she grabbed it, relieved._

_"Edward?"_

_"Guess again. It's Alice. I told him and he's devastated. He wants you to get an abortion."_

_"I don't believe you."_

_"Bella pull your head out of your ass. He only proposed because he wants to placate your father who is walking around being the good father finally, threatening to kick Edward's ass if he doesn't make 'an honest woman' out of you. He doesn't want to marry you, especially not now. He wants to be in the band and get out on the road. This is his dream, Bella, this is everything he has ever wanted. Now, be sensible and have the abortion before you get back and maybe he will forgive you for this little act of desperation."_

_"I am not doing anything until I talk to him myself. Ask him to come here. Or I'll come home. Today."_

_"I wouldn't, the mood he is in he will probably spit on you, you stupid girl. Let me talk to Renee, I can wire the money and she can set things up and then you can come back and everything can still happen."_

_"I want to speak to Edward."_

_"Guess what, Bella? He doesn't want to speak to you. Not while that parasite is inside your womb. Do you know what he said? He said now his parasite girlfriend has a parasite of her own. No wonder he is fooling around with Tanya."_

_Bella froze._

_"I'm coming home. I'll be at your house tomorrow."_

_"Bella, I'm begging you. Don't do this. Look, this letter arrived at your house. Charlie opened it. Volturri magazine in Italy has offered you a cadetship. They never do that. It's an amazing opportunity. You just need to get this problem fixed and go to Italy for a year and then the band will be ready and our lives will be so amazing. You say you love Edward? Prove it. Do this one thing for him. He'll let you have all the babies you want in the future, just not now. Please Bella."_

_"I'll see you later, Alice. Tell Edward to expect me," she said coldly and disconnected the call._

_It couldn't be true. Edward would never want her to have their baby killed. He just wouldn't. He DID want to marry her. Well, he had. He had begged her. The only reason she had turned him down was because she wanted them to wait a year so all the busybodies in Forks wouldn't assume they only got married because she was knocked up in High School. How ironic, now she was knocked up anyway._

_She lay awake the rest of the night and was first in the shower in the morning. The cramps started as she was debating whether breakfast was a good idea. She told Renee about Alice's phone call._

_Her stomach gnawed and cramped again._

_She looked up in horror at the sight of blood on her thighs, staining her shorts._

_"Mom!"_

_"Bella, think of it this way. There was just no way you two would be ready. Alice said as much. Edward never wanted this. Phil's getting the car. It's not a big thing, you might need a little D&C but it's for the best. Remember that."_

_The miscarriage was complete by the time they reached the hospital and Bella lay in shock as various doctors examined her and explained it had been so early, it was hardly worth calling a pregnancy at all._

_It wasn't a baby, just an early embryo, nothing to cry over._

_Now she could go home and be part of the exciting life awaiting them all, she thought sadly._

_Her cell phone trilled as Phil drove them back to the beach house._

_"Alice?" said Bella flatly, holding the phone away as the girl started spewing out pleas and offering bargains to her._

_"Alice, I lost it. This morning. I'm not pregnant any more."_

_She snapped the phone shut and let herself cry. For the future snatched from her hands. For the baby that wasn't wanted by anyone else but her. For the treachery. Edward would never have wanted it to end like this, surely?_

_Surely._

_They'd talked about having kids. He wanted kids. She bit her lip, remembering his words._

_"And one day in the future, ten years away maybe, we will have kids. Maybe two or three. You would want more than one, right? Once I'm qualified, we can afford a house full if that's what you want, my Bella. Our lives will be so perfect. We'll travel for this whole year and come home ready to settle down and study our asses off and begin the next stage. And you will marry me. I won't give up. I will nag you until you say yes just to shut me up."_

_"What will you do, now?" Renee asked. _

_"Are you going to tell Edward? Just make me one promise. You won't do anything reckless, like trying again? You have had a lucky reprieve now go home and travel and stay in another country if that's what you two want but get out of Forks, baby. While you can."_

_"I've been offered a cadet ship by Volturri magazine," Bella stated flatly._

_Renee's eyes lit up. "Perfect! God, you are so lucky. Nobody ever offered me anything like that. You are going to have an amazing life, my girl. Phil, we could go visit her in Italy, couldn't we? How amazing. You must have been born under a lucky star. You should go and let all this trouble settle down and then next year, maybe you and Edward will be able to sort things out again. Give him some time. It's not that terrible, Bella, what he said. Not many eighteen year old boys would want to hear they had gotten their girlfriend pregnant, by accident. Like any boy that age would do it on purpose."_

_Bella caught a plane home three days later, and Edward was waiting on her front step._

_"Bella, I'm sorry. I should have called. It's been crazy here, can you even imagine? Another year and we could be something. Travelling, on the road, doing big venues. Hearing our songs on the radio maybe. We are all so excited. You know Tanya? I told you about her, she's a family friend. We are trying her out as a part time singer. See how she makes us sound. Sometimes it's better to have a female in a band as well."_

_Sure it was. And how convenient for him._

_"I'm going to Italy. I have a job offer and I'm taking it."_

_"Bella, what are you saying?"_

_"I'm saying I need some space. I need to have a life of my own. Just for a little while."_

_"But why? Why now?"_

_"Edward , tell me honestly. Are you happy about the way things have turned out? Is this your dream? No regrets?"_

_"Of course I have no regrets. You always knew this was what I wanted. Hey, we can travel later. I just need a year to get us to a level where we will be considered seriously."_

_"And the future we could have had?"_

_"Bella, there's time for that future later. I just need time, too. The guys are so buzzed. But you should stay. It will be a busy year and I won't have a lot of time for you but we can be together."_

_"I want to go to Italy and you want to get serious with the band."_

_Edward frowned. " Don't spoil my buzz, Bella. I want you to stay here, with me. But if you want to go to Italy, do it. You will anyway."_

_He slammed the car door and drove away leaving tire marks on the asphalt in front of the house._

_Alice arrived that night, a suitcase full of clothes and shoes suitable for Bella's new job._

_"This is my way of saying sorry. I shouldn't have said those things. And look, I got you one of those new phones, they are amazing, you can use them in any country. Give me your old cell and I'll put your SIM into this one."_

_She fiddled with the two phones and cursed._

_"Dammit, I broke your SIM card. No matter, I'll just text everyone on your contact list so they have your new number. How was Edward? Did you say anything about the miscarriage? He pretends it never happened. That you didn't try and trap him. But he was really upset with you. He didn't want a baby, he wants a career."_

_"We didn't mention it," Bella replied. "We were too busy arguing, actually."_

_"He celebrated with Tanya and the boys for an entire day and night when you lost it. It wasn't the right time, Bella."_

_"No," she agreed sadly. "I guess it wasn't."_

_"Well, come on. I have your tickets, Jess is in my car, Italy here you come."_

_"Now? I just got home. I haven't even seen Charlie."_

_"Charlie's off with Sue somewhere. He is really pleased you are taking the job."_

_"I have to go and say Goodbye to Edward."_

_"Oh," Alice replied, screwing her face up. "He left. He and Tanya have sort of been seeing one another while you were away. He needs a girlfriend like her, Bella. She doesn't want kids and wedding rings, she wants to be on the road with him and keeping the groupies out of his bed. Yeah, like she will manage. Anyway, they make a nice couple. The whole baby thing scared the wits out of him, he is scared you'll try it again. Tell you what, we have to leave right now, but you call him as soon as you land. Test the new phone. Okay?"_

_At the airport, Alice kissed Bella's cheek and rubbed her shoulder._

_"I'm sorry about you and Edward. You were okay together but this was always going to happen. He's always had a thing for Tanya and, Bella, if he doesn't accept your calls, let me know and I'll talk to him. Okay? "_

_"I'll email. Or write him a letter. I can't believe we are done, just like that."_

_"Bella, you both want different things. You'll love Italy, and you have Jessica there to talk to and we will stay in touch, even if my evil brother refuses to. Goodbye, Bella."_

"I called you, you never accepted a single call from me. I wrote you emails, Alice told me you deleted them unread. I still have every letter you returned to me with Return To Sender in big red letters. So I don't understand why you act like I ran off and deserted you."

Edward turned to face her and grabbed her shoulders.

"But none of this is right. I never knew you were pregnant, that you lost our baby. And there was nothing between Tanya and I. Not ever. Alice said Aro wanted us to try having a girl in the band yet when he came back the next year, he told us to ditch her so we did. He said she ruined the whole sound. I can't believe this. Alice deliberately tore us apart?"

"Why didn't you call me? Obviously you know I tried calling you. I tried for weeks. I emailed, you deleted them. i wrote letters snailmail, you returned them. We would have known the truth if you'd read one single message."

"I was angry about you wanting to leave and go to Italy. I smashed up my room and trashed my laptop. Carlisle told me to leave you for a day or two before going back to your house, so I would be calm and reasonable. When I went the next day,you were gone. I called your cell a million times. Oh, my phone. I broke my cell and Alice gave me a new one she had already. I bet she blocked your calls. And mine went to your old cell.

Alice read my emails on her PC. She told me there was never anything from you to me, only to her. That you wanted a clean break. I stayed in my room for about six months, Bella. I never collected the mail. Clearly she returned your letters."

"We would still be together if it wasn't for Alice? I fully intended coming home after a year but I gave up. I dated the first guy, Felix, one year after I left. I finally accepted you were never going to contact me. That your silence was the message. I was no longer part of your life."

"You waited a year?" he asked.

"Edward, even though I thought you had been horrible, with not caring about the miscarriage and dating Tanya behind my back, I loved you. It took a year to build up my walls and accept my life in Forks was done. I would have never come back except for the magazine article. Why would Alice want me to go on tour with you?"

"So you could see me with the groupies, I dare say. She is convinced you love Jacob and will marry him."

"Oh, right. I may have exaggerated my feelings for him to her. Sort of a 'I don't need you anyway Edward, I have Jake' thing. I guess she believed me."

"And now I understand the party. She made sure we didn't speak by having everyone else keep you away from me. Yet she went to bed first, before you left."

"I intended leaving earlier. Alice called me a taxi but as there are only two in the entire town, I wasn't surprised when it failed to show. She and Jasper left me on the curb, waiting. I told them to go to bed, they clearly wanted to. Then after a while I gave up and went back inside."

"Alice thought a random slept over in my bed," Edward edited. "And Jasper took you home before she got up."

"He saw me leaving and offered to drive me home. Why wouldn't he have told Alice?"

"Jasper hasn't been with her long, only like a week or two. He never spreads my business to anyone, not even Emmett unless I say he may. We guys have discussed you, but never in front of her."

"So she would not even be aware we have spoken?"

"My sister is in for a surprise," Edward replied darkly. How could she have stood by and let him suffer like that? How could she have forced them apart?

Bella reached over and stroked his back.

Edward turned and pulled her into his arms and kissed her gently. Not so much the one that got away as the one tossed away. By Alice.


	6. Chapter 6

The One That Got Away

Chapter 6

Edward endured the rest of the night only because Bella was curled up in his arms, her head on his chest. She wept silently, and he could do little to comfort her because his loss was greater than hers. She had done nothing to alter how he felt about her but for seven years, she had remembered him as the uncaring, cheating boyfriend who tossed her away and never so much as called her, in fact, in her mind he had destroyed all communication between them.

Knowing the truth would not flip her heart back to where it had been, to how it had felt about him.

It was all destroyed now and he knew he should stop the campaign and let her go to Jacob.

At least he had never done anything to hurt her.

Okay, he wasn't yet committed to her but he would be. Edward would ask Jasper to talk to him and explain how they'd manipulated him back into Leah's bed, and force him to reform or move on and let her find a man she could love and trust.

Her life had been on hold for the past seven years as well but she could move on. Once the shock passed and she finally got the closure she deserved, she would mend.

He never would.

Betrayed by his own sister.

"I should just disband Midnight Sin and get the Hell away," he said into the early morning light.

"I've never seen you perform on stage," Bella replied. "I'd really like to do that. She destroyed us but you have a new life now, Edward. You just need to open your heart to somebody new and move on. You could be happy again now you know I didn't leave you, I left a lie."

He knew in the mood they were in he could have made love to her and she would probably let him, welcome it in fact but somehow the knowledge of how he had lived for the past six years made him wary of touching her at all.

She deserved better.

She had given him what he had wanted, a single night with her, and now a bonus night as well, just holding her but they were done.

She seemed to sense it as well, and they showered separately and dressed silently before returning to the Cullen mansion and asking Jasper and Emmett to be available when the others got home.

As it turned out, Rosalie arrived back with Carlisle and Esme, having left Alice in the town to attend to some chore, so they were all sitting in the sitting room waiting silently for her return.

The others were confused, and tried to ask what was going on but Edward asked for their patience and they complied.

A few weak attempts were made to start a conversation but nobody's heart was in it.

Finally they heard the cab pull up and the sound of Alice's voice as she walked towards the house, talking on her phone.

"Tanya, really? I mean, I set him up for you...you did wait in his bathroom? He did what? A drunk girl? So, you should have kicked her ass out of his bed and taken control. Honestly, he probably wouldn't have cared, girls are interchangeable to him. What? Bella? No, no way, she had left already. I put her in a taxi myself...oh."

She opened the front door and stood there, her eyes flicking from her brother to Bella, and their joined hands. A look of defiance replaced the brief moment of shock on her face.

"Hello, my dear sister," Edward said, standing and walking towards her. He snapped her phone shut and lay it on the small hall table and put his arm around her shoulders, walking her to stand in front of the others. Then he slowly kissed her forehead, and turned to face them all.

"Alice has a story to tell you all. It begins with; 'Once upon a time, there lived a boy and a girl who loved each other beyond a level understood by their peers and even by most adults. But things changed because a vicious little pixie decided their love was a sacrifice that was completely reasonable to make, so her own life could be what she wanted it to be.' Please continue, you have our full attention."

"I did it for all of us, including you. She would have trapped you here, in a crappy little house with a couple of crappy little snot nosed children..."

Edward's hand sounded loudly across her cheek and she stopped in shock and Carlisle half rose.

"Don't, Dad," Emmett warned, quickly putting two and two together in his head.

"Wrong. I asked you to tell us all the whole story, not try and defend the indefensible," Edward said quietly, completely unashamed of his action, even though he had never hit a female before.

Alice took a deep breath and Bella sat transfixed.

She and Edward learned little more than they already knew, just small details. How Alice had blocked Jasper and Emmett's phones, so Bella's calls would be automatically rejected without them even knowing, and even her parents' phones had been similarly hijacked. How she continued to lie to cover her actions. How she vilified Bella for callously leaving Edward heartbroken.

How she fought to set Edward up with Tanya, so her conscience would be clear.

She had hoped he would fall in love with the girl but was willing to settle for just some arrangement much as Bella had settled for with Demetri.

"And at the party, as you no doubt heard, I sent Tanya up to Edward's bedroom to wait for him. I knew he wouldn't go to bed alone but Tanya wasn't adverse to sharing him. But it seems he took a drunken Bella up with him and he threw a tantrum at Tanya and sent her home. The end. No doubt he'll end the band and go off somewhere to sulk in a rat infested disused bell tower and spend his days in a black pit of despair angsting over his lost love, but if she really loved him, she wouldn't let any of this get in their way."

"What?" roared Edward. Bella took his hand and pulled him back to sitting beside her again.

"Unconditional love. You two spout on and on about how your love was so special and so much more than anyone else's. Would you have waited if Edward had done a seven years stretch in prison?" Alice asked Bella.

"Of course I would have," she replied.

"And if he had gone off backpacking, would you have welcomed him home?"

Bella nodded and bit her lip.

"Then what's stopping you from taking him back? Oh, let me guess. The groupies."

"Bella would never choose me again now and neither would I let her. I'm sullied, soiled, dirty. I'm a manwhore. I could never offer myself to her, she deserves so much better," Edward growled.

" You are all hurt, Bella, because he fucked all those women. I didn't put them in his bed, they were all there at his invitation. You can't pin that on me, big brother. I tried so hard to get you to just be with Tanya. I lied and said Aro wanted her trialled for the group. I figured at some point she would manage to bed him and he would wake up and realise he could use Tanya to get over Bella and either fall in love with her or just keep her as a fuck buddy. But he fucked around with hundreds of women instead and dramatically clung to his missing great love and used that as an excuse to never move the fuck on like any normal man would have done."

"You may be right, Alice. Not many people will achieve what you have. You killed me yet here I am, a walking corpse. You killed everything good and pure about me. You took away my reason for living yet you managed to use me to get you what you wanted. Fame. Oh, so very important, to be famous. And money, who could forget the money? Is the private plane ready yet, Alice? We hate traveling with all those mere mortals, after all."

"You can blame me all you want. Did you ever stop and think what my life was going to be like? Dad was saving every cent to put you through eight years of training and medical school. Emmett was happy just working wherever, doing manual labor, spending his income on beer and girls. I wanted something for me. Was I getting the chance to go to college? No, Alice could work in the fucking diner! Nobody cared how my life was destined to be shit, absolute shit, from the day High School ended.

Of course, I could have got me a meal ticket.

I had my choice of husbands, good old Mike Newton, I could have picked him and worked by his side for eternity in Newton's Outfitters and had such a wonderful future. Or Eric Yorkie, I could have sat on the beach and shivered my ass off after my shift in the diner, watching him fall off his surfboard and telling him how amazing he was. I was spoiled for choice."

"Or you could have moved away and made a new life for yourself, like every other teenager in Forks who didn't want to stay," Esme stated. "You could have had a decent life, Alice. You didn't have to do this."

"I didn't see you refusing to allow us to extend the little house we grew up in until it became this mansion. I didn't see you and Dad refuse the cars and the black credit cards and the holiday homes and the fucking island we bought you."

"You truly think we would have chosen those things over having Edward and Bella be happy? You may not have wanted the white picket fence but they did. Edward hates his life and hates himself and that is down to you, Alice," their mother replied."You cost us the daughter we always wanted and the grandbaby she was carrying. If nothing else, that is unforgivable."

Alice turned and walked out the front door, slamming it behind her.

The others sat and looked at one another. Esme burst into loud sad tears and Carlisle took her upstairs. Jasper stood, his hands in his pockets, shaking his head. Finally he too, walked out the front door and they heard him speed away in his car.

Emmett walked over and picked Bella up and held her cheek against his and kissed the top of her head before placing her down again.

"I'm so sorry, little Bella. I wish we'd known. We would have stopped her. I wish I'd defied them all and gone to Italy and brought you back home where you belonged right from the start. The band is not that big a deal. If Edward wants it ended, that's fine with us. I can be a beach bum or a busker, it doesn't matter. Might be hard carrying a drum kit around the streets, but I'll manage."

Bella smiled through her tears and Rose took Emmett's hand and led him upstairs.

"So, what now?" Bella asked.

"I guess we do the tour seeing it's not anybody's fault but hers that any of this happened. I guess we meet our contractual obligations then we go our separate ways. I just hope Jasper was not that into her because when he breaks, he breaks badly. I will have to have his back for a while. And as always, he will have mine."

"And me? What do I do now?" Bella asked.

"You come on tour and you get the best damned interviews ever printed and all the photos we never allow, us being us, not being Midnight Sin, and you wow them in the world of journalism and you go on with your life and don't ever settle again, my Bella. You find a man worthy of you and you hold onto him tight and you do this for me, because I need one of us to be happy, and it's never going to be me. So, you have to live that perfect life for us. Promise me that?"

She nodded and he wiped the tears from her cheeks and kissed her gently. She couldn't have any idea but just the kissing was more than he had ever dreamed he would ever have again, so it was enough.

He would never kiss anyone else again but while she was in his orbit, he would be stealing all the kisses she allowed and he would not stop them until she came to him and showed him the ring, be it Jacob's or somebody else's then he would kiss her one last time and set her truly free.

"Do you want me to take you home?" he asked her. "We leave in three days, you probably have things to do. Charlie to visit."

Bella nodded and he led her to his car and shut her door behind her.

Bella unlocked her front door and turned, hoping to feel Edward's lips on her own once more. He reached a hand out and took a lock of her hair and tucked it behind her ear and smiled so sadly she wanted to fall to the ground and lay there forever but he knew what she wanted and he kissed her so sweetly, for the longest time, before walking away without looking back.

She walked inside and leaned against the closed door. Eyes closed, the tingle was still there, strong and real on her lips so she rested for a moment and kept him with her a little longer.

"Bella," a voice said and she jumped.

"Jasper! God."

"You really need a better place to hide your spare key," he said, handing it to her.

"I can't begin to tell you how very sorry I am. I hope you know I had no idea. She has never told me one word about what she did and all I can say ...words are so inadequate. I don't know how I will ever look Edward in the eye again. I was thinking of just going home, to Texas and taking a little time to think about my life."

"Jasper, he needs you."

"I know. That's why I'm still here, the only reason. Bella, he needs you. You need him. I know this is such a big ask but couldn't you consider forgiving him now you know none of it was his fault? I know he made very bad choices and I understand it would be really hard to overlook his mistakes but Bella, I fear for him. More than ever, more than before. I saw something in his eyes today that I haven't seen there ever before. A look of acceptance. It's like he's a condemned man and he knows there's this day coming when it's going to all be over but he is ready for it to arrive anyway. Like he's finally seen the end of the tunnel and he will go towards the light."

"Edward would never..." she choked.

"Edward already has. Several times. When things get more than he can stand he passively tries to die, Bella. Too much booze, too many pills. No big dramatic stance, just a quiet little leaving. I've always managed to be there in time but think about it. He can be an angry even violent man. He trashed that bedroom of his when you left and you would have sworn an entire gang had been in there, smashing and slashing every single thing inside. He left nothing unbroken. Today he slapped ...her...across the face, once. I fully expected, no matter how undeserving she was, that I would have to spring to her defence and save her life. Emmett was sitting there beside me, tensed, ready to spring, ready to tear his brother away from his sister, and yet he settled for a slap.

Someone therefore is still going to pay and I suspect this has torn him so badly he will choose himself."

"What can we do?" Bella asked.

"Give him a reason to live. If you can't take him back, at least be his friend. Let him into your life. Anyway, you admit you spent what, five years fucking some guy you don't love, couldn't you let Edward be that man? I know I am asking a lot but Bella, if the choice is, give him something or watch him die, what choice would you make?"

"I want to do something. It's Edward who insists it's too late for us. I know he didn't love any of those...people...and I know they may have kept him alive so I can't hate them. Sure, I wish none of this ever happened. Just knowing we could be living here, probably in this house, with our son or daughter, arguing over who's turn it is to put the trash out...it breaks my heart. It seems my father always wanted to just go and be with Sue, he probably would have signed the house over to us and moved to the Rez as soon as he returned home from his exchange.

No doubt there was some truth in what Alice said, he may have insisted we got married but that would not have been a hardship."

"So you are willing?"

"To save Edward? You even have to ask?"

"Thank you, Bella. From the bottom of my heart."

"How do we do this? How do we start?"

"I suggest we go to the club again tonight, and I get horribly smashed because believe me, that is going to happen whether you all come with me or not. Emmett and Rose will take me home safely. And when Edward asks to come home with you, as he will, you make a deal with him. We have to eliminate Jake from the equation, first, so you take care of that and I will go keep an eye on our boy and we'll pick you up at eight. Okay?"

"Okay," she agreed, smiling. "Jasper, I'm sorry too. For you, not her. At the moment I feel like she could rot in the forest and I would step over her, but I am sorry you loved her."

"Hey, she isn't the first and won't be the last bad choice I make. You met Maria, right, before you went to Italy?"

Bella bit her lip and smiled.

"Yeah, I know. Everyone else saw her for what she was, not me. All those fucking wasted years. I guess we three do have something in common."

Bella kissed him softly on the cheek and he left and she made a coffee and sent Jake a text, requesting his presence, when he didn't answer her call. He arrived with his beautiful long hair in uncharacteristic disarray, and flopped on the chair opposite her.

Bella pushed a coffee across the table and he grasped it like a drowning man grasps a rope.

She waited until he drained the hot liquid in one go, and pushed the cup back towards her.

"More."

"More please."

Jake scowled. "More please with sugar on top."

"Okay, Jake. We need to make an announcement today, to the two conspirators and inform them they are not pushing us into anything. No wedding, no engagement, no baby."

"So we are off?" Jake asked. He didn't look sorry, only relieved.

"Yes, you can keep fucking your various women. Edward and I are.."

"Oh fuck me. Of course you are. I knew the moment you two saw one another it was all fucking over except the shouting. His name in your bed, probably. Have you already fucked him?"

"That would be known as none of your business. But yes, I have. And I intend to again, so live with it. You haven't even paused from fucking Leah...I'm assuming she is the one who messed your hair like that? You should cut it, if you want to keep people from knowing exactly where you have been and what you were doing."

Jake drained the cup and smiled.

"Actually, I think her cousin Emily was the one messing with my hair."

"You were in bed with both of them?" Bella said in surprise.

"Bella, I've been double fucking so long I wouldn't know how to be satisfied with only one woman."

"And they allow this?" she said, amazed. She could not imagine ever being with two men at once, it just seemed...icky.

"Hey, a lot of groupies are willing to share amongst themselves, and not just two at a time. Ask your band members about that."

Bella stilled.

"Oh not Edward," Jake amended, seeing her face. "Emmett. I don't know anything about Edward's preferences, he always took them to his place."

Bella refused to allow that thought to drift and take root and cause her heart to harden against Edward again. Maybe he had done more than she knew, but the point was, she didn't know and never wanted to.

"I just know Emmett likes a line up and doesn't really care where. Hallways, back stage, car park. I'd say never sit on any of the sofas when we are backstage while they perform, Emmett probably had a few fans messing it up already."

"So, we go visit the fathers and tell them the good news?" she asked, wanting the subject changed.

"Sure. Why not? They can only yell and scream for three days and we are gone anyway."

Bella changed into a Dad-preferred dress and they drove to the Rez, and Bella heard more about her ex...whatever's sex life than she ever wanted to know.

"Jake, I really don't need to hear how enthusiastic you are in bed, okay?"

"Having second thoughts? Thinking you wouldn't say no to a taste of this?" he asked, waving his hand over his body.

"I'll be fine. I pass," she replied, getting out of the car with a sense of relief.

"Now, you go break the news to Billy and I'll handle Charlie. Divide and conquer."

"Bells," Charlie exclaimed, as he opened the front door of his house on The Rez. He was uncharacteristically pulling her towards him and kissing her cheek. "We have a surprise."

"Oh, I love surprises," Bella said nervously. Nothing good would come from this, she knew that already.

"Sue managed to talk Billy into letting her remake Jake's Mom's wedding dress, to fit you."

"God no," Bella said. "You haven't done anything to it yet, right?"

"No, girl, it's right here. I thought you and I could talk about how to redesign it into a more modern and flattering style," her stepmother said.

"I think this is a really sweet thought but I don't want you to do this," Bella stated. "That dress is a memory and possibly all Billy has of his bride, apart from the children. I really think it should stay as a family heirloom. Rachel or Rebecca's daughters might grow up and love the dress exactly as it is. It would be a tragedy to remake it."

"Bells, Sue thought of this and wants to do it for you. She wants to be part of the wedding and Renee will come back and be Mother Of The Bride, so Sue wants to make her mark as well."

"Dad, could I have a word with you. In private?" Bella asked. She had to stop the snowball before it got too large and out of control.

"Of course, I will leave you two alone and be in the kitchen making dinner," Sue said, shutting the door behind her.

"Okay, Bells, what's so important you had to make Sue feel excluded from being part of this family?" Charlie asked gruffly.

"Dad, I think I may have made a really big mistake. I'm twenty five, not thirty five. I'm just not sure I''m ready for marriage and kids and all that yet."

"Bells, you thought you were ready at eighteen, may I remind you," Charlie replied. "I talked you out of marrying Edward Cullen and you know going to Italy was the right decision, right?"

Bella sat down on the edge of the sofa.

"Remind me why that was right again," she asked. The last few days had made that decision seem not as good as she had thought at the time.

"Because he had nothing to offer you. He had no career and no interest in having one. He refused to go to college and you know you wouldn't go without him."

"Dad, he wanted one single gap year before hitting the books for eight years," Bella reminded him. "And I never went to college anyway."

"Yes, well that was down to him. He spoiled that for you. He made you feel like you couldn't go without him so you didn't apply. So you missed your chance."

"Dad, I could still go, even now. It's not unheard of for students to defer and attend as adults."

"But you don't need college now. You can marry Jake and settle down and have kids..."

"And be a housewife."

"Sure, what's wrong with that?"

"When I said I wanted to marry Edward and have his kids, being a housewife was a repugnant crime to you."

"You were eighteen. You had no life experience. You had never, huh, _been _with another man."

"And that was bad because?"

"How could you know he was the One when you never comparison shopped, so to speak?"

"So, you are happier now I have slept with five men," Bella replied tersely.

"Bells, I don't need to know details, I just meant, you needed to date and fall in love and know your own heart."

"Dad, you truly do not want to go there because I only ever loved Edward. I let those other men fuck me but I never loved them."

Charlie frowned and sat down himself. "Why would you do that?"

Bella shrugged. "Life experience, Dad. I have never met any other man I have had feelings for. I dated, I got lonely, I missed being a part of a couple. I thought maybe I would find someone else, like Edward. I didn't."

"But the last boyfriend, Demetri?"

"Married, Dad. It's common in some countries, the husband's have a mistress and all I wanted from him was .."

"I get it. So, now you are making a wise decision and marrying Jake. All that's in the past now.

I'm sure Jake has..been...had girlfriends."

"No, Jake had what I had. A friend with benefits. It's what young people without a partner do."

"Leah."

"Yes, Leah."

"Nobody else."

"I don't know, I haven't asked him." No way she was going there!

"Bells, you need to have everything cleared up before the wedding. You should tell Jake about your..friends, and he should tell you, then there's no secrets."

"Dad, this feels wrong. It's just not what I want. I was wrong, I'm sorry, I'm sure everyone will get over it in time."

Charlie stood and walked to the window.

"Bella, tell me this has nothing to do with Edward Cullen."

Bella sat silently.

Her father turned and walked towards her. "Where were you the night before last?"

"I was at the party, you know that."

"And did you sleep in Edward's bed?"

"I woke up in Edward's bed but he slept on his couch."

Charlie looked surprised.

"Why do you dislike Edward so much?" she asked quietly.

"He's a rock star. It's common knowledge he sleeps with fans and anyone else he wants to. Don't let him lure you back, Bella. That path can only lead to misery and pain. Jake's a better risk than Edward Cullen. How would you cope with knowing how many women he has been with? It would haunt your dreams at night. Every women he ever says Hello to will leave you wondering if she was one of his bedmates. There must have been an awful lot, in seven years."

"Whose fault it that?" she snarked.

"You are blaming me because the man couldn't keep his pants on?"

Bella shook her head, resignedly.

"Bells, he was never for you. He wasn't a family man, he wanted to go off and be famous and he was right, he could do it. Where would you have fitted in, in that life? Groupies, drugs..."

"I could have tried, Dad. I could have married him. Not every rock star is a whore. Bono stayed faithful to his wife, and he has an amazing career and a trillion screaming female fans. Paul McCartney never spent a night away from Linda except the few days when he was in a Japanese prison. Alice Cooper had never been linked with groupies. Brandon Flowers could have any woman but he remains faithful to his wife. Charlie Watts is a Rolling Stone and he has never played away. It can happen. It's the man that counts, not the status."

"But Edward has shown his true colors. Don't trust him, Bella."

"Edward's a single man, he had nobody to remain faithful to. His behaviour has hurt nobody but himself." That wasn't true but she was not agreeing with anything Charlie said.

"Bella, I said this seven years ago and I am saying it again now. You marry Edward Cullen and neither he nor you will be part of this family. You have stayed away for years and don't think I don't know why."

"Why, Dad? Why have I never come back?" she asked her father sadly.

"Because you were afraid to run into him. You know he has power over you and you felt it was unsafe to come home. He's cost me so many years already."

"No, Dad, the reason I have never come home is because I have never come to terms with you saying I would no longer be your daughter if I married Edward, the man I love."

"Loved, Bella. It's in the past."

"I'm going to go now, Dad. I truly don't think there's anything left for us to say."

"But you will marry Jacob, not Edward?"

"I don't think I'll ever marry anyone. I would be too afraid to have a child and know one day, I could say something like that to her. That my love was conditional on her doing what I wanted her to, not what her heart dictated. Don't let Sue start dressmaking, I honestly don't think I will ever need a dress. I won't be back. I'm going on that tour with Midnight Sin and I will return to Italy afterwards. Goodbye."

"Bella, even their name..Midnight _Sin..."_

"It was a joke, Dad. Edward used to call love making committing midnight sin, because we weren't married. That's all, a joke. He wanted us to marry and make it right and proper for everyone. Our parents, us, our kids," she choked, her voice barely audible.

She was no better off for leaving Edward like Charlie had wanted, even if his opinion was never a part of why she left. She had no father now, and she hadn't for seven years.

Charlie breathed in and out and scratched his head. Maybe Renee had been right. Maybe he had been cruel and heartless to her seven years ago, but he just didn't trust Edward Cullen. And time had proved him right. Better she hated him, if it meant she stayed out of Cullen's clutches.

Bella headed over to Billy's house to see how the news went down and to assure the man his wife's wedding dress would not be defaced.

Jake was wrestling in the yard with Seth Clearwater. For all his apparent prowess in bed with the ladies, he was still a big kid at heart.

"Hey, halfbreed, I could whip your pale latte ass with one hand behind my back," Jake laughed.

"Half breed?" Bella said, confused. Both Sue and Harry were pure blood Quileutes.

Both boys stood up, Seth red and embarrassed, Jake looking like a deer caught in the headlights. Both avoided looking her in the eye.

"Um, would you believe I was joking?" he asked.

"Tell me. Say it, out loud."

"Seth is Charlie's son."

Bella stepped back, her heart thumping loudly. Of course he was. When Jake had made that slip in the restaurant;

"Your father loves me even though he has..."

Even though he has a son already.

"He knows?" she cried out.

"He was there at the delivery. He's always known."

"Seth is less than a year younger than me," Bella replied, stunned.

"Yeah, well, Charlie said Renee wasn't that um..interested...while pregnant."

"So he was sleeping with Sue even then? He never stopped, did he?"

Jake shrugged.

"A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do, Bells."

"Did Harry know?" she pushed.

"Oh, well, there's the thing. Harry's heart attack? He overheard Charlie talking to Sue and whatever he said gave the whole game away."

"So my father caused the death of one of his supposed oldest friends?"

"God, Bells, he didn't do it on purpose."

"How long have you known, Seth?"

"Mom told me after Dad...Harry, died."

"And nobody thought to let me in on this news? That was years ago. I was a schoolkid."

"Charlie never wanted you to know. I'm sorry, Bells," Jake replied, walking up to hug her.

Bella pushed him away.

God, was it possible? Nothing about the world she knew was actually real. Not her past, not her father. She had a brother.

"Keys? Give me your car keys now, Jake."

Bella sped down the road in Jacob's car towards her home and parked in the driveway where, once, her old red truck had stood. Her truck, that had a sound system worth more than the vehicle itself was worth. Her eighteenth birthday present from Emmett, her 'big brother'.

She had really never felt so alone as she did right now, apart from seven years ago when she boarded a plane with Jessica, a girl she hadn't even particularly liked, but Alice had told her she was the only one who had done an after school course in becoming a Personal Assistant.

All she had cared about at the time was getting away.

Maybe she should just go, now, back to Italy. Take a 'fail' for the interview, get a new job there.

Her heart said otherwise.

She backed the car out again and headed for the only man in her life who had never actually let her down.


	7. Chapter 7

Starting today, I'm gainfully employed again. I will try my best to update this, plus Interlude and The Death every week. And the Bro Code whenever Macfaerie sends me a chapter back. Please be patient, real life and all that. Cheers.

The One That Got Away

Chapter 7

Jasper carefully steered Edward away from the gloom and doom song choices he was making as they sat in his bedroom and strummed their acoustic guitars. One more song about loss and death and Jasper himself would be suggesting a suicide pact.

"Hey, how about something about hope and a better future?" he suggested and Edward shrugged. "I guess some of us have to look forward, others of us know the past was the best time of their entire lives," he replied.

He started strumming aggressively and loudly along with Jasper, neither with a particular song in mind. Edward suddenly placed his guitar on the bed, stubbed out the cigarette that was between his lips and walked towards the back sliding door that led to the balcony.

"What's up?" Jasper asked, still strumming, but more quietly and calmly now.

"Bella's here," Edward replied, sliding open the door and waiting.

"How could you hear her? The noise we were making..."

"I didn't hear her, I can feel her," Edward replied, as if that was the most natural thing in the world. It was to him, he had always known when she was near to him, just as she always 'got the buzz' when he approached her. There would never be a chance either could sneak up on the other, no matter how silently.

Bella walked up the fire escape and fell into Edward's arms.

He embraced her tightly and held her steady, feeling the tension and despair radiating from her.

"Come inside, we can talk," he suggested.

Bella shook her head, but allowed him to walk them both inside and Edward sat down and pulled her onto his lap, kissing the top of her hair.

"What's happened?" he asked her quietly, his voice revealing how concerned he felt for her.

"Everything. I don't know who I am any more," she sighed, as she threw Jasper a small smile.

"That's easy, you are who you have always been. My Bella," he replied.

"Your Bella. That's the only sane description of me left," she stated.

"Do you want me to leave?" Jasper asked, still playing quietly.

"No, you guys are the only ones who could begin to know how I feel. Like whatever ties anchored me to the planet, well, most of them have broken and all that's left is my friendship with you, Jas, and my 'thing' with Edward."

Edward laughed, because she would always be the sweetest thing.

Their 'thing', was as durable and unbreakable and constant as gravity itself.

He rocked her slightly and kissed her cheek.

"Do you want to tell us what happened?" he asked again.

"Oh you know, I found out my past was not real, and what I believed went down was nothing like the truth, and our lives were destroyed for nothing, then Jake and I decide we are done before we start and I really only came back to have a baby with him, and then my Dad virtually disowns me, yet again. And I find out about him and Sue , being together despite small things like his marriage to Renee and hers to Harry, and oh, yeah. I have a brother. Apart from that, just your normal average day. I feel like if I get fed one more single piece of information, my head will explode and I will crash and burn."

"We all crash and burn sometimes," Edward stated. Him more than most.

"So, wait. Is Jake your brother?" Jasper asked, confused.

"Crashing. Burning," Bella replied. Then she laughed without mirth. "God, it could be worse. Who would have thought? No, not Jake, Seth Clearwater. Sue's son."

"Oh, okay," Jasper shrugged. He started strumming the melody to the Savage Garden song and Edward grinned at him then started singing it with his lilting, captivating voice that sounded like Southern Comfort drunk through a velvet lined drinking straw.

"When you feel all alone

And the world has turned its back on you

Give me a moment please to tame your wild wild heart

I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you

It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold

When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore

Let me be the one you call

If you jump I'll break your fall

Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

If you need to fall apart

I can mend a broken heart

If you need to crash then crash and burn

You're not alone."

Bella snuggled into his torso and let the words wash over her. This was exactly what she needed right now. Somebody on her side.

"When you feel all alone

And a loyal friend is hard to find

You're caught in a one way street

With the monsters in your head

When hopes and dreams are far away and

You feel like you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call

If you jump I'll break your fall

Lift you up and fly away with you into the night

If you need to fall apart

I can mend a broken heart

If you need to crash then crash and burn

You're not alone

'Cause there has always been heartache and pain

And when it's over you'll breathe again

You'll breath again"

He was right. This too would pass and one day she would breathe again. She'd led an independent life away from her father for seven years, she would survive without him again.

And the whole Jake thing would be completely laughable if it hadn't beeen so ridiculous. She must have been deluded.

No, she must have wanted an excuse to come back here and see this beautiful man and just share whatever there was still possible to share with him.

The thought of becoming his friend with benefits was tempting on one level but she had done empty and meaningless with Demetri and it was a whole other way of feeling completely alone and that would never be enough with Edward.

If that's all he would allow to be between them, she would be better just going back to her job and becoming a born again virgin because now she had been in Edward's bed, the one thing she could hold onto was the fact he had been her last.

Her first, her last, sadly not her only.

"Hey, who's up for some partying? Who wants to go to the club" Emmett asked from the doorway.

"That would be me," Jasper replied, walking out towards Emmett and Rose.

He paused and winked at Edward, and shut the door.

Edward started kissing her throat and Bella turned her head, trying to intercept his mouth.

"Bella, Baby, you are really vulnerable right now and I am not going to take advantage of that," he said quietly.

"Dammit, I wish you would," she sighed.

Edward laughed at her, she was so sweet, so very sweet and so soft and broken.

"Hey, maybe we should take a bath. You feel like a bath?" he asked and she sighed in a loud frustrated manner and agreed.

"If that is all that's on offer."

"It is, now just be a good girl and I will go run the water."

He lay her on the bed and Bella turned to where she could watch him as he leant over to close the water outlet and turn the faucet on.

"Hmm, nice buns," she muttered, grabbing his pillows and curling up with them along her body, one leg hitched over the long body pillow.

"Don't get too comfortable," he whispered in her ear and lay beside her and pulled her in close, growling at the pillow between them.

"Is this something we need to talk about?" he asked. "Your affair with my pillow?"

"Why don't we talk about ...do you even want to hear about the pointless, useless affairs I had?" she queried, keeping her eyes closed tightly. She didn't want to see his reaction, if he reacted.

"Only if you feel the need to tell me."

"Good. I dated three men, they were all nothing's but I tried to make them into something's and failed. Then the thing with Demetri...shit, can I even judge Charlie when I was the play toy of a married man for five years? I never met Gianna but I knew things about her. That she preferred to wear red, that she liked diamonds, that her birthday as April tenth, that she demanded expensive but personal gifts. Yet I picked them out and bought them for him to give her, so how personal could they have been?"

"I think that situation is different to Charlie and Sue and Renee. Charlie married Renee, therefore he promised to remain true to her. Why did he even bother? He clearly had no intention of keeping that vow."

"I guess he was trying to do what society demanded was the right thing. Nowadays Mom and Dad would have come up with a financial arrangement for child support and a roster for access visits, and he would have lived openly with Sue. She would never have married Harry on the rebound. Never have had Leah. Probably would have had Seth, maybe other kids as well."

"I don't understand how your Mother was able to walk away from you though," Edward stated.

"Yeah, neither can I. It just seems so cold and calculated. She said she needed a new start and she wanted to complicate Charlie's life. Nice to know your main function has always been as a complication. I wonder why she didn't try harder to get an abortion?"

"Bella, if you hadn't been born, my life would have always been as empty and meaningless as it is today."

"So, do we talk about you and your fan girls?" Bella asked.

Edward shrugged. "Whatever you want to know, I'll tell you. Sometimes I forgot to ask their names so I can't write you a list and honestly, I forgot them before they closed the door behind them to leave. I never kissed them, I never held them afterwards, and I certainly never wanted to see them in any other setting."

"And there were like, say, more than ten?"

Edward choked and nodded. "Yes, Bella, in six years there were more than ten." Per week at times. Some months there were none at all. One year he avoided women completely but it hadn't helped.

"So, let's agree it was probably an even dozen," she said, gazing into his eyes, begging for the lie.

"Okay. An even dozen," he agreed.

"Well, you know, that sounds quite reasonable," she replied.

"Nothing in my life has been reasonable since you left."

"So, currently you are taking, what? Recreational drugs? Often, not often?"

"Not at all at the moment, Jasper won't agree to allowing me anything. He says I'm too close to the brink again, so I'm not fighting him. But we have handed everything over to Emmett, I don't trust Jasper to keep himself safe either now."

"Good, no drugs. Just the legal ones, anyway. Are you willing to give up smoking?" she asked.

"Why would I want to?" he questioned.

"Because you need to stay healthy and not risk your body like that. How about booze?"

"I'm not drinking alone or at home. I do drink a bit when we got out or party. Are you thinking of adopting me, or what? Why the questions?"

"Because I came home here to have a baby and I am going to do that."

"And you don't want me to smoke or drink around your pregnant self? That's reasonable. Does that mean you will remain in my life even while you are pregnant, then?"

"If I have a baby, first I need you to agree to remain in my life forever. I want you to be it's father but if you agree to that, then you have to promise me you will always be here for her. I cannot have a baby alone, and I have to know if anything happened to me, you would step in and raise her yourself. You can't ever be selfish and just...disappear. So, I need you to think about this for as long as you need because nothing less than one hundred per cent commitment to our baby is acceptable."

Bella hoped he was getting the message. If they got pregnant, the black moods had to go, or be tolerated, and he could not ever take his own life. He would always have someone to live for, even if it wasn't her, herself. She wished she could be that person but he was pretty determined to not allow her to choose him as her partner. Maybe as the father of her child, in time he would forget the lines he drew in the sand and let her back in.

Edward lay there, his forehead creased and his eyes confused.

"That bath must be ready, come on," she encouraged and they stripped and slid into the hot water and Edward turned the jets on.

He sat on the corner seat and Bella sat on the floor of the tub, in front of him, resting her back between his legs.

His fingers played unconsciously with her long hair and he tried to come to grips with her offer.

"You want to have your baby with me?" he checked.

Yes. I mean, you have okay looks, your genes would be good," she smiled.

"So, I wouldn't just be the sperm donor? I would get to be involved with the child?" he asked.

"Completely. We would have to live together and she would have both parents in the one place, both equally responsible for her. I'm presuming money won't be a problem and I could live off you for a while. Until she is school age? Then I would get a job."

"Money will never be a problem. You will never have to work. Don't you dare think about what my deluded sister said about you being a parasite. I want to look after you, in every way. It would be an honor to be allowed to do that."

"So, you will consider this?" Bella asked.

Edward nodded. He had never considered having a child since she left. It was something he had never thought about again. A child would never have fitted into his chaotic lifestyle, not to mention, he would have been appalled to know he had started a new life inside some woman whose face he had forgotten.

He had taken all precautions, double bagging, spermicide. He was quite sure had his sperm ever survived all that he would have been hit with a court order for a paternity test and some woman would have demanded child support and a ten million dollar gag payment to shut up about it.

Now Bella, his Bella, wanted a child from him. He had always sworn no matter what she asked him for, if she ever asked, he would give her without hesitation.

"Bella, I made myself promise I would never touch you again," he said , thinking of the first hurdle.

"Your father is a doctor, I'm sure he would bring home a kit for artificial insemination. But you have to tell her when she is eighteen that you refused to let her be conceived the normal way."

"Why me? I'm only thinking of you," he replied.

"I don't think so, Edward. I'm happy for you to touch me, as often as possible. I know your 'even dozen' will be haunting me for a bit but if I can dismiss them as being as meaningless as my own other four men, then what's the problem? We will both get tested again and we can wait for the final results in whatever time frame Carlisle recommends but once that is up, there's surely no reason to be invading my girlie bits with turkey basters? You managed to begin a baby once before, I am confident you will be able to do that again."

Edward sat there in silence. Bella was worried she had pushed some button and he was closing down on her, but he finally spoke.

"I never meant to slap her. Just hearing her dismiss our baby as a crappy, snotty nosed kid was more than I could stand."

"Oh," Bella replied. "I didn't realize what made you do that, but I was glad you hit her because I wanted to tear her limb from limb. I wonder where she is?"

"I don't care. We can probably muddle through one tour without her. There must be a list of what venues we are booked into."

" I have a copy, she faxed it to the office."

"There you go. We can survive without Alice."

"But what about in your real life? She has always been there beside you."

"She was always a bad runner up second choice to the one I wanted at my side. You can have the exclusive of the breaking up of Midnight Sin. We won't tell anyone else, just do the tour, put the new album out and then we quit. Where do you want to live? I mean, we need to go to some child friendly place to raise our baby."

Bella turned and smiled and climbed onto his lap, straddling his legs and kissing his lips.

"Thank you, Edward."

"We should probably wait and do everything right and take vitamins and stuff. Get really ready," Edward sighed, his hands firmly on her waist, keeping a gap between them.

"But we need to practice," Bella complained, kissing him and wriggling on his lap.

"Bella, you will be the death of me," Edward sighed and gave in. Like it was a chore to make love to his beautiful Bella. It was the very best thing in the whole world and now he could do it again, whenever they wanted.

They might not be a strictly conventional couple but this was all her choice and he would never deny her the right to choose, even if she chose someone as unworthy of her as he was.

He so wished his 'even dozen' had been just that. The real number was too appalling to think about, but they had all been the same. It may as well have been Tanya, he finally realized. How much better would it have been to merely have to ditch his fuckbuddy and welcome Bella back, with no worse crimes than she herself had committed? He wished he could forget her other four, they were four too many and it was blasphemous either of them had allowed any others to touch them like that.

His fingers traced down her sides across her hip and they paused at the tiny blemish on her hip.

He stood and helped her from the tub and quickly dried their bodies, before pulling her into his bed. He kissed her for a long time, until she fell back, completely dazzled at his kissing skills that ironically, she herself had taught him, and he moved down her body.

Of course he wanted to taste her again but mainly, he wanted to see that mark on her hip.

It proved to be a tiny tattoo. A rose, wrapped around a broken heart, with MEF written inside.

He rubbed his thumb over it. It was quite old, a little faded. He would probably lay awake at nights now, wondering who MEF was and why she claimed none of the others had entered her heart when she had allowed one of them to remain on her body forever.

He truly had never felt the slightest feeling for any other woman, but if he had, he would have told her. Why wasn't she telling him?

Maybe he wasn't one of the four? Maybe he was someone she pursued and never got with.

"Tell me their first names," he said suddenly.

"Whose?" she moaned, arching her back so he would get a very obvious clue where she wanted his mouth.

"The four. Tell me their first names so I can avoid suggesting any of them as a name for the baby."

"Now?" she moaned.

"Now," he confirmed, licking at her mound to let her know the answer would be rewarded.

"Oh God, my brain has no blood in it, I can't think. Felix...then that tall Australian guy with blond hair, what was his name? Riley. Then um, Garrett, then Demetri."

Hmm, no 'M's.

He followed through and moved to her deliciously warm wet lips and swiped his tongue inside her folds and felt her shiver in delight. He liked that she waxed and was naked to him, nothing between them, no jungle to fight through to get to the sweet reward inside.

He grasped her hips and felt her hands in his hair as he pleasured her with his tongue and left off only to breathe when necessary because her sweetness was reason enough to forget that was vital. She was moaning and writhing and he was sucking on her clit, when he realized he was as involved as she was, and his body released onto the bed as hers pumped it's sweetness into his mouth.

The sound of her mewing loudly, her head rolling, her mouth open and her eyes shut tight, was a sight he would remember.

His hips flexed and pounded the mattress as his seed shed his body and wet the sheet. He was still so hard and he scuttled up and thrust inside her and his semen lubricated them as he felt himself still letting go as he started slowly thrusting, keeping his orgasm going, relishing the sensations as she moved with him, and she felt so tight around him he wondered if he would be able to stop and come again. He wanted to, he wanted to come inside her a dozen times tonight.

She shook and tightened around him and he felt his own body respond and pump harder and stronger and his release finally ended with a mighty explosion that set his heartbeat racing out of control. God, she may be sweet and beautiful and innocent by comparison to himself, but she had always made him respond like she was some well practised porn star.

She was his Goddess and every single thing he had ever wanted in one person.

Empty would never happen again, no matter what happened. Even if she left...

"Bella, you have to promise me you will never take the baby away from me," he begged. If he went through with her plan, there had to be something permanent for him. He couldn't be always wondering if she would follow in her mother's footsteps and just up and leave. He needed her word now. Before they took any steps they couldn't take back.

"Edward, I swear I will never part you from your child, no matter what. And that means you are stuck with me forever."

Somehow that was the lamest threat anyone could make. Of course he would always want to keep her. He smiled and kissed her throat and inched up to her earlobe and caught it between his teeth. Biting down gently, he felt her flinch and then laugh.

"Behave, come take a shower and we could always go dancing at the club for a while if you want."

Edward took her hand and led her to the recess and turned the showerheads on.

"I want to dance again but I prefer the kind of dancing we do between the sheets," he admitted. They had seven years of everything to make up for. May as well start with the sweetest thing.


	8. Chapter 8

**Lyrics owned by Adele, Adele 21 cd, One and Only.**

The One That Got Away

Chapter 8

Edward woke with a smile on his face and a song in his heart. He would normally rush from his bed and go capture the tune on his piano or guitar but Bella was still asleep in his bed and he had waited far too many years for this, to leave her for one moment more than necessary.

He tapped the melody out on the bedhead and Bella rolled and smiled at the far away look in his eyes as he let the music form in his head.

He jumped when he realised she was awake, watching him and immediately reached for her.

"Good morning, my Bella, did you sleep well," he asked with a smile. He knew she had, his body had been tangled with hers all night long and he had lain there watching her sleep for hours at a stretch.

She had slept deeply and undisturbed.

"I have not slept that well since... I mean, in years."

Since she last slept every night in his arms.

"I'll make breakfast, what would you like?" he asked, pulling her in close for a kiss. His heart sang happily and he realised the song he wanted to write was a happy, uplifting beat for once. Maybe he could write the pretty stuff now and let Jas write the downers.

"Nope, breakfast can wait, you will be busy."

"What will I be busy doing?" he asked, looking over the body he loved and had missed. He squeezed her tight in a hug without thought. He had awoken from his own few hours sleep terrified she was just a dream or that she had gone again. It would take time getting used to this new reality but it would be so amazing and worth it, that he already knew.

"You will be getting that song written down," she smiled.

"You know me so well," he laughed. Once a song or simply a tune took hold of his brain, he had to write it down or go crazy. It had always been that way.

Bella kissed his chin and stepped out of his embrace and stretched. Edward frowned at the small red marks he had left peppered on her body. He had tried to be gentle but desperate need had gotten the better of him a few times. He couldn't get enough of her and he was fighting the fear she would change her mind and reject him.

There was nothing he could do to change that, it was too late now. He had created the biggest stumbling block between them and he could do nothing to make it go away.

He went into the music room and sat at the piano, his fingers caressing the keys as his brain sorted the notes into order.

It was different.

The fans already knew every pain his heart had felt over losing Bella, now they would get to hear the joy of her being in his arms again. Of course, they would probably want the happily ever after as well and he couldn't quite work out if it would ever happen, but if all he got was a little baby to share with her, then it would be enough.

He tried to picture the child and how it would look but the whole idea was too new and he couldn't even decide if he would prefer a son or a daughter. Either would do, he knew, but imagine a little version of Bella in his life. How amazing would that be?

A daughter.

He'd have to get it right and be a proper dad, and father, to her. No spoiling her rotten and letting her be a celebrity child. Of course, he was about to cease being a celebrity himself so that wouldn't be hard to avoid. Even if the baby arrived in a mere nine months, people would have moved on and start following some new singer by then and he would only live on in the cd collections of fans who refused to forget him and Midnight Sin had existed.

He hummed along as he played and random words and phrases started fitting the melody.

The words were all softness and happiness and love and he had to restrain from deluding himself that all would be like it had been before, so long ago.

If Bella had slept with as many men as he had slept with women, would he still want her?

Even the thought made him sick to his stomach because he was sure he loved her unconditionally, but really, was there any such thing? If she had as many men inside her as girls he had been inside...

He couldn't even handle just thinking about it. He wanted to track down Felix and Riley and Garrett and Demetri, especially Demetri.

Using his Bella like that with no intention of ever loving her. The man was an ass and a user and needed telling. Who could take a lovely girl like Bella and treat her like some whore?

She wasn't a whore, he shouldn't even use that word in the same sentence as her name. God knows he was the whore of this scenario.

Edward realised his music was morphing into loud and angry tones so he stood and walked away, not wanting to destroy the happy start he had made.

He went back to his bedroom and waited for Bella, who was on the phone, to finish her call.

Bella had realized with shock she had never actually broken up with the man she left behind in Italy and he did sound sad to hear she was not intending to return to him, even if she returned to the job, which she doubted.

Edward was waiting at the door and when she finished, he took her into his arms and let her stay there silently and sort things out in her head.

"He actually said he will miss me and he is sorry we won't be together any more," she said with wonder.

"Why wouldn't he miss you? God knows all I have ever done is miss you," Edward replied, kissing the top of her head.

"I just thought we were convenient, nothing more," she sighed.

"Will you miss him, is the question," Edward replied. He stroked her back softly and waited, hardly daring to breathe. Demetri had been with her years longer than he had, for all he knew the man did mean more than she thought.

"Nope, not with you back in my life. Everyone else is sort of blurry and soft pastels, you are my brightly colored rainbow," Bella answered.

"More your storm cloud," Edward replied darkly.

"Stop it now. We are here for one another, and the past is the past. New beginnings, Edward."

"New beginnings," he agreed.

"I liked what you were playing until it got all angsty and loud," she said, walking away and pulling on her jacket. "What was bothering you?"

"Just acknowledging what a fucking halfwit and loser I have been. I can't turn back the clock and I can't erase what I did so how the fuck do I ever have any chance of ever really having you back? I can never forgive myself, how much harder must it be for you to even try? I don't know if I can handle having you but not being yours, Bella. I'm lost and broken now, I disgust myself. How can you even allow yourself to touch me, let alone let me inside you? I hate myself so much."

"I do understand and I know it will probably always be hard to overcome the pain, Edward. I know you did it to survive and I understand how empty and lonely you felt, because I felt the same. Four or four hundred, what we both did was wrong. I struggle to not just get lost in despising myself for what I did, too. All we can do is try to forgive ourselves and one another and not let those others keep us apart because they could, so easily. Alice tore us apart and we can't give anyone else that power over us again, Edward. Or it is all gone and spoiled and pointless. What happened was not out fault and we paid already. We lost our baby, our innocent little baby and no matter how many children we have, we will never get that first baby back. Isn't that a big enough cost?"

"I guess what we did pales beside that fact. I need us to name it. All I can think of when I let that fact enter my brain is, everyone deserves a name and one day we will meet that baby and it has to have a name. It can't be out there, wherever lost babies go, and have no name."

Edward held her tightly and let his tears fall into her hair. This was the very worst part, knowing there should be a child in the world, that he and Bella had created.

A little boy or girl, with some resemblance to both of them. The new baby would be it's sibling and that's as close as they would ever come to knowing their first baby.

"Shannon," Bella said, "That way it's covered, whether it was a boy or a girl. Shannon Jordan Cullen."

"We need to do something to show we would have loved that baby," Edward stated.

"We can still love it, she can't take that away as well," Bella replied.

"But we need to acknowledge it. Maybe a tattoo," Edward suggested. Bella rubbed at her hip and Edward stilled her hand.

"Tell me," he asked her quietly. "Please Bella. Who is MEF?"

"My Edward Forever," she replied. "You were my Edward first and I wanted to keep you, no matter what. Even if I never saw you again. That's how I can accept your past Edward. Because I never thought I would be with you again. I thought I'd lost everything forever. You as well as Shannon. This is better than that alternative, no matter what baggage we have to deal with. We could have spent the rest of our lives apart. I can handle this easier than I could have handled that."

Edward kissed his Bella and felt his own heart thaw and overcome some of the pain inside. If she could forgive him, then he would only benefit. He had already forgiven her, sometimes you had to do things just to survive. Things you would never have done in other circumstances.

"Go back and write your song and dedicate it to Shannon," she said softly.

X~x~X

Jasper groaned and held his throbbing head in his hands and wished he was dead. Every sound was magnified and crickets blared loudly, disregarding his affliction. He pulled a pillow across his face and pushed his hands against the sides of it, muffling his ears.

God, how much had he drunk?

Going on the amount he had thrown up down the toilet, way too much.

He probably should be dead. Pity he had survived. He accepted sleep would not return and send him a little more relief in the form of unconsciousness, and gave in. He'd dreamt of Alice, the Alice who had loved him and lain in his arms all night long. The Alice he loved back. The Alice who had made him want to get married and have babies and be his wife.

The shower seemed awfully loud as the water drummed on his body and deafened him. He gladly turned it off and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around his waist and headed outside, to sit on the balcony.

He was in a guestroom on the second floor, unable to remain in _her _bedroom now. He could barely allow himself to think about Alice. It was so hard to reconcile the Alice he knew with the real girl whose true colors had been exposed to the light.

He understood why she did it but not how she could have. She had appeared to love Edward so much yet she thought she could manipulate his life and make it suit her needs over his. He worried he would never have managed to stop at the one slap like Edward had, if she had done that to him.

He'd never considered being alone for the rest of his life before but after Maria and now Alice, he really would never trust another female. He would not be handing his heart over to anyone to rip into shreds again. Twice was enough.

He hated women. They sucked.

He sighed. He knew he didn't mean that, not really. There were some wonderful females in the world just not for him, it seemed. Esme was the best mother ever and Bella wanted Edward back, despite his sins. That kept hope alive, even after Maria and Alice had made him want to abandon all hope completely.

As he lay on the lounger out of reach of the sun's rays, he heard a voice singing softly and froze. He couldn't imagine who it was, but her voice was beautiful and compelling. He opened his eyes and sat up, ignoring the flash of pain and looked around.

Bella was crouched beside a flowerbed, pulling weeds from between the plants, singing so beautifully he wondered how the heck they had never known she could sing at all, let alone like this. The words washed over him and he didn't give away the fact he was here, in case she stopped singing. He recognised the song, off the new cd he had bought himself.

The song was somehow perfect for her and he had a feeling Bella had borrowed the words because they fitted her current needs.

When she finished, and stood, walking away, he called out to her and she turned and blushed at the realization she wasn't as alone as she thought.

"You have an amazing voice. You should sing that song to Edward. If he heard how you truly believe the words, he would let you back in and the universe would realign and be as it should be."

"I have never sung in front of anyone before," she admitted shyly.

"I've got an idea. How do you feel about a baptism of fire? We have our farewell concert here tomorrow night. It's nowhere near as big as our usual venue's and it's just a way of saying thanks to our home town fans because we all know once we finish this tour in New York, Midnight Sin is over and the original fans here deserve a goodbye."

"I can't sing in front of an audience," Bella cautioned him.

"Then just sit on stage and sing to Edward," Jasper replied. "Forget everyone else. You have a message to convey to him, and this is such a great way to make him listen."

"One song? You promise? You won't make me sing anything else?" she asked him seriously.

She did need Edward to hear the words and really listen to her. They had to find a way to move forward because being stuck here where they were at the moment was not where she wanted to end up.

"Just one song. That song," Jasper promised.

X~x~X

Edward gasped down the nicotine and paced, as he always did, before going on stage. Usually it was the routine he always did before walking out the front and scanning the faces as far back as he could see, looking for Bella. This time, he knew she was here, somewhere, and would be watching from backstage.

Emmett was hyped, ready to go on and he looked at Rose and grinned.

"Do it. I dare you."

"Right, Cullen, you asked for it," Rose replied, picking up an artists easel and canvas and walking out on stage, between the curtains.

"What's she doing?" Edward asked, stubbing out the cigarette and swigging a Coke.

"Rose has a message for the fan girls and she says she will be doing this every performance," he replied. The sound of laughter and men whistling in appreciation at the girl filled the air and Edward walked forward and peered through the curtain.

Rose was walking from one side of the stage to the other, holding up the canvas and as she turned he read the words painted on it.

"THE MEMBERS OF MIDNIGHT SIN THANK ALL APPLICANTS FOR APPLYING FOR THE ROLE OF 'COMPANIONS' TO THE BAND MEMBERS BUT NOW WISH TO ANNOUNCE, THOSE POSITIONS HAVE BEEN PERMANENTLY FILLED AND NO FURTHER AUDITIONS WILL BE HELD. EVER. FUCK OFF, LADIES, THEY ARE ALL OURS NOW, HANDS OFF."

SIGNED BELLA AND ROSE AND ALICE.

"Alice?" Edward questioned, as Rose bowed and put the sign on the easel at the side of the stage and walked back inside..

"Hell, Edward, if he didn't love her, why would he be so torn up? I think they will manage to find a way to put the past behind them once we find her. If Bella and Rose can overlook our little distractions, then is Jasper really a fool to forgive Alice? She didn't do anything to hurt him, don't forget. She made him the star he is today. Sure, she fucked you and Bella over, but she never did anything to hurt Jasper. He wants to forgive her. He needs her."

Edward sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

Jasper walked past and paused.

"I've got an opening act for tonight only. Edward, this is for you. Don't go anywhere, just listen."

Edward sat down and the curtains opened to the deafening applause of the crowd. Jasper stood in the center of the stage and held the microphone as he waited for the noise to abate.

"Thanks for coming tonight. You were our first fans and without you, we'd never have made it. Remember that. Thanks, no matter how it all ends, thank you, from the bottom of our hearts. It's been an amazing journey and when it ends, we will remember you all. I hope you will remember us. Tonight we have a special treat. Edward's girl is here and she's going to sing a song for him, so I hope you will all be really quiet and let her tell Edward what she needs to. Thank you. Bella Swan, everybody."

The crowd clapped, not as loudly or as enthusiastically as they usually did, but interest was there, and Edward wondered what was happening now.

"Edward, if you could sit here and play the piano for Bella..."

The sheet of music has no lyrics but he recognised the song and Jasper sat down and started strumming his acoustic guitar.

Bella's voice filled the room and Edward smiled and listened to her.

"You've been on my mind

I grow fonder every day,

Lose myself in time

Just thinking of your face

God only knows

Why it's taking me so long

To let my doubts go

You're the only one that I want

I don't know why I'm scared, I've been here before

Every feeling, every word, I've imagined it all,

You never know if you never try

To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only

Promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms

So come on and give me the chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts

I've been on your mind

You hang on every word I say, lose yourself in time

At the mention of my name,

Will I ever know how it feels to hold you close?

And have you tell me whichever road I choose you'll go

I don't know why I'm scared 'cause I've been here before

Every feeling every word, I've imagined it all,

You never know if you never tried

To forgive your past and simply be mine

I dare you to let me be your, your one and only

I promise I'm worthy to hold in your arms

So come on and give me the chance

To prove that I'm the one who can

Walk that mile until the end starts

I know it ain't easy

Giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy

Giving up your heart '

Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learnt it

I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

Nobody's perfect, trust me I've learnt it

I know it ain't easy, giving up your heart

I know it ain't easy

Giving up your heart


	9. Chapter 9

The One That Got Away

Chapter 9

Jane almost wet herself as Bella's first photos and copy came through into the office. She and Jess poured over the images, sighing in contentment at finally seeing the band in a completely relaxed, never seen before state.

A photo of Edward laying back in the bath, eyes narrowed, smiling as he smoked, made Jane wish she had gone on this assignment herself. It was clearly taken by a person sharing that bath, sitting opposite him and sure enough, the next image through showed Bella in that same bath, with his feet resting on her shoulders . She was laughing and holding a hand up to hide her face. The photo was obviously taken by Edward.

"I thought she was doing this to get with Jacob whats his name?" she said, her voice full of envy.

"Well, it seems not. Old habits , " Jess replied and suddenly hated her job as a PA. So much better to be the on the spot reporter.

Or in the bath reporter, anyway.

Emmett was in the next shot, laying face down, asleep in bed, with Rosalie sitting beside him, painting her toenails while wearing only Emmett's favorite T shirt that he wore on stage as a lucky charm at times.

It was so normal and domesticated, like any old married couple.

None of Jasper with Alice, both women noted in surprise. Maybe that couple valued their privacy more?

The photo of a pitch black stage with just two spotlights, highlighting Edward on piano and Bella facing him instead of the audience, singing, wowed Jane to silence. Jasper was just a shadowy figure playing his guitar, not part of the story the photo portrayed.

They both knew already she had somehow ended up on stage, at the start of the Farewell to Forks concert, but the way they looked so natural together explained the change of goal for Bella.

"Now that's pure unadulterated love," Jane murmured.

She was excited to have this series of photos and knew they would put her magazine into a different level. Everyone would be after a copy once the news leaked, that she had exclusive photos nothing like the usual paparazzi fodder.

Daddy would be so pleased with her.

X~x~X

For Bella, watching Edward perform in front of his devoted audience was an eye opener. He really didn't seem to be aware they were there most of the time. He sang more to himself and to her, than to his fans.

"Fuck, he's happy. I don't think I've ever seen him so happy," Jasper commented to Bella as he took a break and swallowed down a bottle of water. "That's all down to you. He knows now."

"That I love him?" Bella queried.

"That he has a real future. That he can walk away from this adulation and have the life he craves. It really has never meant much to him. He did this for us, not for himself. I think he only did it because he felt like the only life he had ever wanted had been taken away and there was nothing left, so he took the opportunity to express his pain in a very public way. Better than hiding and grieving in private. This way I could always gauge how close to the brink he was. The songs he sings reveal the way he's thinking. You will have noticed, not one single sad song tonight. The audience will start demanding some before the end, but he isn't in that place any more."

For Edward, the audience had already ceased to exist. He wasn't sure what songs they had done already and he had to check with Jasper each time, in case he was repeating them.

The buzz of her presence overrode every other sensation and he liked the anticipation building in his gut. Soon this concert would be done and Bella would be in his arms.

The rest of his life had ceased to have any importance and her words had changed things for him.

She did want them back and he would die before dismissing her plea. The past ceased to matter, the future was all he cared about now. He found his eyes drifting shut as he sang, now they no longer had to scan the audience to find her.

"Sing Midnight Sorrow" someone called as he struggled to think of the next song.

Edward wasn't sure if he could pull it off now. He'd never had the slightest trouble getting lost in the sad lyrics and letting his audience see him cry, but tonight, the song seemed trite and no longer relevant.

"Things have changed," he answered, grinning.

"Midnight Sorrow, Midnight Sorrow," the chant flooded the air.

"Okay fine, but don't expect tears," he replied.

He managed to pull it off but he decided to never sing it again. He'd lived those feelings for too long and now he was looking forward, not back.

"I have a new song I thought you all might like," he announced, before they started asking for some other angsty melody he now failed to connect with. "It's called Bella's Song."

The hush was instant and he hoped Jasper would be able to keep up. The man had barely gotten to read the music sheet and they hadn't rehearsed it at all.

His voice had changed, to one full of hope and joy and the girls in the audience shed a tear. They all knew now, he no longer needed them and they had lost him. Lost their Edward.

Whether they were among the ones who had shared his bed or simply watched him from afar, he was gone.

Jake turned the spotlight onto Edward as he left the stage and grabbed Bella into his impatient arms and kissed her thoroughly.

Emmett grinned as he watched the faces and heard the whispered goodbyes to his brother. His heart may be mending but he had just broken a whole lot of hearts out there with that one song and single kiss.

They really were done. Midnight Sin was over. A few more nights like this and he truly did need to come up with a plan for the rest of his life because Edward was walking away.

X~x~X

The feel of her in his arms was all he needed and Edward ignored the pleas for an encore. Not tonight. Not ever again. They'd had their money's worth and he had nothing more to give them.

Bella was a little wary but once he kissed her, she relaxed and knew he really did mean what he conveyed with his lips.

It was a new beginning and the past was gone.

He would find a way to live with his mistakes and not let her pay the price.

They beat the crowd and made it to their limo before any photos were snapped of them. Edward in particular was determined this was Bella's exclusive and he insisted they all hide under blankets or coats as they ran. The Paps were all caught off guard. Midnight Sin usually lingered and let them snap away to their hearts content as they mingled with their fans and made their selections for tonight's 'companions'. It was not a secret that the boys enjoyed attention from their fan-girls but this was new.

Several returned inside and snapped a shot of Rose's sign. It appeared to be true. The boys in the band were out of bounds now.

That would be the main headline, for every magazine other than Volturri. They alone knew the real deal. It was actually the end of an era, not a change in behaviour.

The band never went home to sleep while performing in Forks. They'd be at the best hotel the town could offer. On the road was just that. They needed to be in the right mentality to prepare for their tours.

The last couple of photographers shrugged.

"I guess the rumors are true. They've given an exclusive to Volturri."

Jane decided to wait before printing the announcement Edward had sent. Better to cash in on the last tour before announcing it was just that.

She could even print a special issue with the band's final photos, and no doubt it would be their first sell out issue. Daddy would be tossing anything her little heart desired her way as a reward for this. She was so glad she had secured Bella Swan.

The girl was suddenly worth her weight in gold.

"She's not coming back, is she?" Jess asked, sliding the photos around on Jane's desk.

"Jessica, honestly, would you? Could you ever walk away from him to have some silly little career instead?"

"Nope," she agreed and ran off copies of the photos for her own private collection.

Edward Cullen.

Who knew?

He'd always been good looking, even as a pubescent teen, and she had definitely missed any chance she would have ever had to bag a night with him. Oh for a do-over of High School.

She would have kidnapped him for a weekend, before Bella Swan got her hands on him. Who knew how the present would be now had she done that?

X~x~X

Edward ran the bath and stripped off, ignoring his companions. All but one, at least. Bella smiled and started removing her own clothes and Edward cleared the room. Nobody got to see her naked.

He sat in the bath and lit a cigarette and Bella climbed in facing him and snapped a photo.

"Edward Cullen naked. This should sell a few copies of the magazine," she smirked.

Edward sat up, posing, as she snapped a series of shots then his hand suddenly shot out and grabbed the camera from her.

"Bella Swan, naked and delicious and for my eyes only," he growled as he took one of her.

Bella hid behind her hand and he put the camera down and stood up, walking to situate himself behind her.

Bella lay back against his chest and Rose tapped on the door.

"Come in," Edward ordered. The sooner she came in, the sooner she left again.

"Oh, I should take a photo of this," she said, lifting the camera.

Edward allowed it, then as she went to take a second photo, he placed his hands on Bella's naked boobs and kissed her throat.

"So, this will be the Adults Only spread?" she snickered.

"Get out unless you want the porn version," Edward growled and she grabbed what she had come to fetch and left.

"What's going on?" Emmett asked.

"I think they are making a clip for Youtube," Rose replied and sat down on the bed. Emmett was naked already,nothing new there. The man's automatic reaction to the adrenalin rush of performing on stage was to fuck it out of his system and now she was his only partner, it meant for some busy times. She could well imagine why he had liked groups of women. The man had stamina and dedication to his craft. She could handle him.

Jasper sat down and dialled room service as he undressed and stood under the shower. He heard the door open, and called for them to leave the food on the table. Reaching for his shampoo, he stepped back in shock as he felt a hand touch his back.

"Alice?" he said in amazement. He really hadn't expected her to show her face anywhere near here again.

"Do you hate me too?" she asked and Jasper sighed.

"I hate what you did but I will always love you, Alice. We can't be together, here, until you face Edward and apologise. No words could ever make up for what you did, but you have to try.

This is the swansong, Midnight Sin is all but over. Then you and I will go away and see if there is enough to salvage. You need to regain my trust, and it will take time. I never imagined you could do that, Alice. You watched him bleed, night after night, year after year. I don't know if that's ever going to be forgivable but unless Edward knows you are here, you can't just slip back and take up where we left off."

"I don't know how to make it up to him," she admitted.

"You can't. You can't turn back time and what you did was so selfish and manipulative, it makes me worry what you could do to me if things didn't go your way."

"Jasper, no," she cried and stepped away. "I would never hurt you."

"You hurt him and he's your flesh and blood. You have a lot of penance to pay. Go away and come back in the morning, I doubt he would want to see you tonight."

"He is going to chose her over the band. I always knew he would. There would have never been a band had she come back and had the baby. But now I can understand how she felt. I know what I did to her, Jas. I took away her baby and her reason for living and believe me, I know what that feels like now."

"Good. Wait, what do you mean?"

"I know I've lost you. I don't deserve to be happy, and when our baby is born, I'll sign away my rights and give him to you. He can't be raised by a mother like me."

"Oh Alice," Jasper sighed, stepping from the water to put his arms around her body. "This should have been the happiest moment of our lives. We will work something out. I would never keep a child from it's mother."

He watched her leave and debated with himself. She'd done some really bad things but she had been young and reckless and needy. She'd had only one goal in mind. She would have to pay and learn to live with her mistakes but still he was worried. Edward shared her DNA and he had never handled banishment well. Without Jasper watching his back 24/7, he would have long left this existence, and he was scared Alice had just as tenuous coping skills. They tended to give up hope too easily and hasten their own endings.

He dressed quickly and ran outside, searching for her car. He couldn't lose her, not like that.

He sighed in relief as he saw Jacob Black confronting her as she tried to walk past him.

"Jake, let it go. We all have issues with Alice and they need to be addressed but not tonight."

He took Alice's hand and led her to her car and opened the passenger door for her.

They'd go somewhere else and talk this through.

There was no way she was sacrificing herself and their child as some twisted payment to the universe for that other baby.

X~x~X

Bella lay on their bed and watched Edward as he checked the door again and looked outside through a gap in the curtains.

"There's only a handful down there. Just press. I think the fans know it's the end of the line and are letting go gracefully."

"Are you sure this is what you want? To walk away? You were amazing up there on stage. You made me cry with that song."

"Bella's Song? No Baby, it's meant to be happy. Why would you cry?"

"Because we are back, aren't we? It's like we have slipped back into the place we used to be and what happened in between ceased to matter."

"That's right. The only parts of our lives that matter are when we are together so we can just let the rest go. Now, are we practising or is this a real attempt?" he asked, hovering above her naked body that smelt of strawberry bodywash.

"Depends if you hit the jackpot," Bella replied, opening her legs and her heart to him.


	10. Chapter 10

The One That Got Away

Chapter 10/Epilogue

Edward struggled to remain faithful to his dedication to his craft. He just wanted this tour over so they could start their lives. Living in hotel rooms was never enjoyable for him, and now all his houses were selling like hot cakes, he would soon be homeless. He could never have crossed the threshold of any house he had taken any of his fans to, with Bella on his arm. He wished he could just burn them all to the ground and annihilate the past they had witnessed.

It seemed there were plenty of up and coming stars who wanted to be able to boast of living in a house Edward had owned, and it seemed an almost daily event, signing contracts for the sales.

"So, I never get to even see inside your mansions," Bella moaned.

"Never. Get used to it. I will never go there again and I never want to see so much as a piece of furniture I used or an outfit I wore there. No doubt my clothes will end up on ebay, but I just don't care. You have to choose where we live from now on. Some place new, that only reflects us. No memories."

"Is there a house on that island you bought Esme?" she asked.

Edward grinned. He had never taken anyone there, too personal. It would be the ideal place to flee to once the tour was done. Nobody knew it existed, other than family members and they would protect his privacy to the death.

Edward Cullen would disappear.

They could stay until the baby was born.

Bella headed into the bathroom and he heard her curse. So, no baby this month. It may take a while, Carlisle had warned. That would be natural. The other pregnancy had been completely unplanned and they may have been taking chances for months before it happened.

They hadn't known to be vigilant.

Bella returned and he took her into his embrace, and kissed the top of her head.

"Maybe it's better if she is conceived somewhere beautiful, not in some hotel. We have five days left then we can go to Esme's Island and start this baby making in earnest. Wouldn't you prefer memories of making a love child on an island that has a strict no clothes policy?"

"What if it has a run of cold weather?" she asked him.

"Then I guess we stay in bed. That will be a hardship but I think we are up to the challenge. No photos by the way. Nothing for public consumption once we leave New York. I want our lives to begin completely out of the public eye."

"Of course. But I may require photos for my own enjoyment," Bella replied. Naked Edward would always be her favorite photographic subject. She was slightly disappointed not to be pregnant already but he did have a point. How much nicer making babies on a private island rather than some hotel they would never visit again. Mind you, it would be very surprising if Rose came out of this tour without a little stranger inside her belly.

"Edward, can we book a room further away from your brother in the next hotel?" she asked as they threw their clothes into their bags.

"God yes. That is something I will be happy to never hear again. How noisy does sex have to be?"

"Do you get charged extra every time he breaks a bed?" Bella asked.

"I think they keep the evidence to show the groupies and consider a bed smashed by Emmett a tourist attraction. I wouldn't know. Alice has always paid the bills and taken care of everything."

"Are you going to talk to her? Jasper is getting too antsy, Edward. You are punishing him by refusing to see her. Whatever she did, she is your sister and family is important. The Cullen's are all we have. I doubt Charlie will be playing grand-daddy to this theoretical baby. And Renee will be too far away to be much of an influence. If you refuse to ever see Alice again, you will break your Mom's heart. Alice belongs back with us, Edward. If we are letting go of the past, then all that she did is part of it. "

"How can you possibly forgive her?" he asked, pulling her close.

"Maybe because had she not agreed to letting me come on this tour, you and I would have continued on our downward spirals of self destruction. She may have killed us but she also paved the way for our resurrected love as well. Think about that."

Edward did want to leave everything fixed before they disappeared. He got no joy from being apart from Alice. He just didn't know if he could handle seeing her again.

"Do it for Jasper," Bella pleaded. "Do it for me."

"Unfair," he growled. "That's dirty pool. You know I'd do anything for you."

"Good, then fix this, Edward. Go talk to her alone and sort this mess out."

Edward grabbed at his hair and Bella caught his hand and kissed it instead. "Calm down. You can do this, Edward. You have always put everybody before yourself. Just remember all the good things she has done over your lifetime and forgive her this one slip. Nothing can change the price we paid but we are good now. Share the joy."

"You want everyone to be as happy as we are, don't you?" he whispered.

"Why not? We get our new beginning, and she still has Jasper to win over. That will be a hard enough challenge and.."

Bella paused.

"And?"

"You are her brother, it's up to you to make the first move and forgive her so he can too. Hating what she did is perfectly reasonable but hating her will only hurt you. Be the big man and show her there's always hope for a new start."

Bella held her breath. She had almost said something about Alice's baby and that subject would just inflame the situation. She and Jasper had agreed, that piece of news needed to wait before being exposed. Edward could only handle so much and knowing she was carrying a child when Bella wasn't could make things even worse.

Alice had agreed. She would do and say whatever Jasper wanted. Bella had spent so many years torn apart from the Cullen's, she felt that punishment would be excessive and she knew everyone was waiting for Edward to begin things and open the door to them welcoming Alice home. She was family and they had all missed her.

Alice opened the door and stood still, not daring to speak.

Edward brushed past her and sat down to face her. His hands sought his hair and he stilled them and put them in his pockets instead.

"We need to talk."

Alice nodded agreement and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand. "I'm so sorry. I know what I did now and I will never forgive myself. I never thought you really loved her, Edward. We'd all been 'in love' and managed to move on and fall for the next candidate and I wrongly assumed your love was no more real than anything we had felt ourselves. I never knew what love was until Jasper opened his heart to me. And now I know what it's like to not be allowed access to that all consuming love."

"We have to let the past go and move on. Bella needs us to be okay and whatever Bella wants, she gets. I don't know if I would have ever even tried to forgive you on my own but she is right, as always. Banishing you won't achieve anything. All I want is for things to be back how they were and I think that's happening, Alice. I think Bella honestly has forgiven me so it's only fair that I pass on the love and forgive you too. You had no way of knowing what your manipulations would do to me. It will take time, mind you. I still cannot believe you let me suffer for so long."

"I'm so sorry. I will stay out of your way and visit the parents when you aren't there, whatever you want."

"That wouldn't help. We are either family or not. Either we avoid one another from now on and never see each other again or we make up and get along. I dare say the next year will help, seeing Bella and I won't be returning to Forks for a while. Use this time apart to fix you and Jas, then fix things with Mom and Dad, and Emmett.

When we return, we'll take it slow and let the past go, okay?"

"Thank you, Edward. It's more than I deserve. I do know that. I know it's you two that paid and I can't alter what happened but I do so want us all to find a way to live with it. Family is all that matters, I know that now. Finally."

Edward stood and gazed out of the window. The curve of her normally concave belly had not gone unnoticed by him and he didn't understand why she deserved a baby and he and Bella had yet to start their own. Fate was a fickle bitch. Maybe his crimes were worse than hers and he was fooling himself. Maybe he would never have the joy of holding a child of their own.

"Good luck. With the baby and Jasper and the family," he said, walking out the door.

Alice sat down and sobbed into her hands and knew she would pay for years to come. She doubted she deserved a second chance but Edward was giving her one and she was going to embrace that. Jasper walked from the other bedroom and sat beside her, holding her in his arms and kissing away her tears.

X~x~X

The audience were stunned as Edward announced the band would never perform together again. The cries of disbelief and disappointment echoed in the stadium and he thanked everyone for making them what they were. He promised to always treasure the music and their appreciation of it and bowed one last time as they cried and clapped or stood there in shock. No more Midnight Sin?

Edward all but ran from the stage and ignored the calls to return. They were done. The record was out, and Jane would reveal the whole truth tomorrow with her special issue, "Dawn Breaks On Midnight Sin- The Ending Of A Band. A pictorial record of the last tour."

Emmett teased the audience by tapping on his drums, as if warming up. Jasper was still on stage, tuning his guitar and strumming quietly. They'd both agreed to be the distraction and let Edward and Bella race for the limo one last time, and be far away before the audience twigged.

"Sing something, Jasper," someone called and he grinned.

"Well, I usually just do back up," he replied and pulled the mike closer.

"Here's a song we never got around to putting on an album. It never suited Edward's voice. It's called 'Never Give Up'. Jake, my man, why don't you grab a guitar and help me out."

The audience sat there hypnotised as Jasper's voice captivated them. The applause was deafening and he turned and raised an eyebrow at Emmett. Maybe they could go on, without Edward.

Maybe Midnight Sin was over, but they still enjoyed the thrill and they could try to be something new, without him. "So, Emmett and Jake and I are thinking of forming another band, what do you think?" he asked and the response was wildly excited and deafening.

Alice would manage them and the show could go on.

"Phoenix," he decided. "We'll be the band that rose from the ashes of Midnight Sin."

They did six songs, that had never quite made the grade due to Edward's high standards and it made them think this could really be possible. The audience loved the new sound and nobody left until the boys left the stage themselves, having promised to work on an album. Jasper assured them all, if sales dictated there was a place for them, they would be back on tour again next year.

Jake had attracted a lot of attention himself, it never hurt to have more eye candy and he was quite decent on guitar, Jasper realised. With a bit of practise, this new band could show promise.

X~x~X

Edward helped Bella from the plane and led her towards the taxi rank. It was slightly weird, no limo at their disposal, but this was a private trip and he didn't want anyone knowing where they were living now. His hair was hidden beneath a hoodie and dark glasses covered much of the rest of his face as he huddled down behind the scarf around his neck, as if cold. Bella was dressed much the same, the way a million young people their ages dressed. No show of wealth , just the casual attire available in most department stores.

No brands or logos, just boringly regular clothes.

The cab driver dropped them on the docks and Edward grabbed their bags and her hand and led the way to the boat.

Another hour and they'd be snug in bed on the island.

They needed some time to be alone and be a couple again and no distractions. They missed the flurry of excitement as Jane's magazine hit the stands and caused many a girl to cry out in disbelief. Jane had contacted Jasper and Emmett and already had an idea. Maybe Jessica could travel with the new band on their first tour next year and she could follow them as they grew and maybe became as famous as Midnight Sin. Phoenix would be Volturri's own resident band and her magazine would have endless exclusive footage to show the world.

Edward wouldn't have cared, anyway. The only thing he cared about was the woman asleep in his bed. There was no white picket fence around the beach house but it would do, until they returned home and moved into their own new house that would be built in their absence. It was his gift to Bella and she would know nothing until they finally returned home to Forks in time for Carlisle to deliver the baby they were working on making.

If she didn't want to live full time back there, he would buy her another house somewhere else, but he had an idea she would want to stick close to his parents so their children would always know family.

He couldn't wait to be truly unnoticed and ordinary again. This next year with not a single sighting should remove him from the interest of paparazzi and fans alike. He had nothing for them now but he was happy to hear the boys were going to form another band, as he read Jasper's text message. They loved the life, he didn't. They would do good and he would be their biggest fan.

Bella opened her eyes and smiled at him.

"Why are you sitting up and not making love to me?" she asked and he grabbed her and lifted her into his arms.

"Because it will be more fun outdoors, under the sun. Maybe even in the edge of the water. You need to grab some water bottles, we wouldn't want to dehydrate," he chuckled and paused beside the fridge while she grabbed the drinks.

They had the entire island and nobody ever came close enough to see them. Clothes were forbidden, unless she started to burn from the unfamiliar sunshine. Then he would allow something to cover her body. Maybe sunscreen.

Maybe it would be best to coat her in that right from the start. He grabbed a tube and headed for the lagoon and lay her on the sand.

His method was simple. Kiss every inch of her body then rub the sunscreen on her, and take particular care of her breasts. She was putty in his hands, a ball of moaning, begging putty, by the time he was half finished covering her skin and he slid inside her body and held her close, her back to his chest. He kissed her neck and rolled them into the sand, only leaving her for a second to change positions so he could kiss her as they made love.

Looking back, he knew that was the beginning of their daughter. He hadn't known at the time, it didn't seem all that different to any other of their sessions of love making except her buzz changed. He was still inside her when he frowned and touched her skin with the palm of his hand above her breasts.

"Something's different," he stated, narrowing his eyes.

"What do you mean?" Bella asked lazily. She never was that alert after exploding around him.

"The pitch of your skin. The sound you emit when we are together. It's changed."

"Or maybe you are just crazy," Bella answered.

He worried a little and wondered what it could mean, until the day she suddenly sprung from his arms one morning when he wished her a happy Saturday, and grabbed his hand.

"I'm late. If this is Saturday, I was due three days ago."

The test seemed to take forever but finally there it was. The proof she had been right to have faith he could impregnate her again.

"You won't stop with the love making, right?" she asked him worriedly.

"I believe it makes for an easier birth or maybe that's an old wives tale. But we could test that theory. See if daily love making leads to an easy delivery," he suggested.

"Sounds good," she replied.

He relaxed somehow, despite the way the last pregnancy ended, and just held on to the belief it would all be okay this time. He cared for her like she would break if he didn't keep alert and recognise danger before it happened. Carlisle instructed him on using the doppler to keep a check on the hearbeat and he told Edward it would be safe to stay away for the first six months, then he would come there himself and escort them home.

Edward cooked and cleaned and hugged and kissed and marvelled at how wonderful life could be. He missed nothing of his old life.

Jasper excitedly kept them updated both with the band news and Alice's progress and they both felt happy for the couple when Jamieson arrived and gave his parents their first experience at grandparenting.

Bella wanted to rush back and see the baby but Edward was determined to stay another five weeks, until she hit the six month deadline.

The wedding occurred to him one night, while he chatted to Esme on the phone alone outside as she updated him progress reports on his newly finished house. The decorating was almost done and the gardens were a work of genius, she assured him. All natural looking cottage gardens full of wildflowers. Charlie had taken on that task and he and Carlisle argued for hours about what would grow best where.

"In the end, I made the call and ordered Charlie to do the front gardens and Carlisle got to do the backyard, and they are still arguing about the side yards," she sighed. "You have two summerhouses, I gave up and let them both win that argument. One out the front overlooking the biggest garden and one well down the backyard, near the pool. You could always have the walls filled in and use it as a changeroom," she suggested."Honestly, Edward, you have five acres around the house and they have argued about what to plant in every inch. You even have a different type of lawn out the back. Now they are watching it like hawks, betting which will be the greener. These men need hobbies. Or a grandchild in common. You couldn't manage twins, I don't suppose?"

"You needed to put in that order five months ago, I assumed we all wanted just the one," he replied." No matter. Bella is already nagging for a sibling for this baby so I think they'll have a mess of babies to play with in no time. Mom, I want you to do something for me. I want you to all come over and fetch us home, but first I want a surprise wedding. Here. On the beach."

"How could we do that without Bella noticing? Why not bring her home and we could all be waiting in the summerhouses and throw a wedding here? Stay somewhere for a night on the way home and get here around noon and we could have it then. We just need a dress, how big is she?"

"Tiny. She insists she is tiny. I'm not bursting that bubble, Mom. I would say any average circus tent would fit her."

"Maybe a lacy caftan? Something loose and unfitted?"

"You decide. I'll snap a photo in the morning with my phone and send it to you."

Bella greeted his suggestion she slip into a bikini with suspicion. They had been naked so long now, she didn't understand why she suddenly had to dress.

"I want to take a photo and keep a record of how you are progressing. For Dad. He needs to see your belly is the normal size for five months," he improvised.

"Is there a right size? Some women are enormous by then. Not everyone stays little like me," she explained and Edward decided to delete the photo after sending, so she didn't get to see the reality. Wider than high, was his prediction of how she would be by nine months if she kept expanding at this rate.

Bella posed happily and he sent his Mom several of the photos and started deleting them just as Bella grabbed his phone.

"Oh my God, I look like a whale. No more swimming with the dolphins in the cove, they may attack me by mistake."

"I don't think dolphins attack whales," Edward replied without thinking, "You will be perfectly safe." And Bella stomped off to the house.

"Okay the pregnancy hormones finally kicked in," he texted his Mom and she wished him good luck with that.

Bella insisted on dressing, every day, after that and expressed the fear she was too fat to make love, a suggestion he promptly disproved as he lay behind her on the bed and moved in close.

She responded and came to the same conclusion herself. There was still room to maneuver.

All the same, Edward sensed it was time to take her home and let her have the company of women. It was only three weeks ahead of schedule but it was time.

He called Esme and she assured him the wedding could be done any time, this Saturday would be fine. The dress was done, the caterers had been booked to do the anniversary lunch party for her and Carlisle that day anyway. She would just switch things about, the guest list was similar, just one or two extras at the wedding now.

Bella slept on the plane trip home and didn't actually need a stopover, but Edward pleaded fatigue so he could follow his mother's orders, and broke the trip overnight.

The next morning, Bella was awake and eager to get home, though she did point out seeing Edward had sold all his houses, they had nowhere to live anyway.

"Mom wants us to stay with her and she said there's been some building activity in Forks while we have been away. She is sure we will find a house to our taste."

"Fine, Edward. But I want us in our own house before his creature emerges," she warned him.

"Not a problem," he replied. He hoped he had gotten the house just right. She liked pretty, and cottagey and white, so he had run with that. He'd stolen her scrapbook of magazine pictures and photos of houses she had been keeping, and Carlisle had made sure to incorporate some of the things she particularly liked. Attic bedrooms, wide staircase, big family country kitchen, white plantation shutters on all windows and doors. A music room with a white grand piano.

Six bedrooms upstairs, two guestrooms down.

They'd discussed how many children they each preferred. Bella seemed to think two was ideal, Edward hoped to persuade her to double that. He wanted both a son and a daughter and four pregnancies seemed to increase that likelihood.

But he had yet to convince her that four kids would be great. Maybe two now and a break, and two more later? They had time.

Bella stepped from the cab and looked about.

"Whose house is this? We aren't going house viewing before we even see the family, are we?" she complained.

Esme, Rose and Alice stepped out of the summerhouse and Bella smiled and held out her arms. He had been right, she needed fellow females to nest.

Esme took her inside, and Bella looked at the matching dresses Rose and Alice wore and laughed. "Was it a sale? I never thought I'd see the day you two would dress alike. I can't believe one of you didn't rush home and change."

It only hit her when the women started removing her comfortable dress and urged her to shower and then they prepared her, and dressed her body and hair, and Rose made up her face.

Edward changed inside the upper floor and checked every bedroom and bathroom.

"Perfect, Dad. She will love it. Everything."

"Then come on and marry her. Jasper and Emmett are waiting."

Edward followed his father downstairs and paused at the sound of the women giggling.

"Edward does know, right? We aren't trapping him into this?" Bella questioned.

"It was his idea, sweetheart," Esme assured her.

"But he didn't even propose," Bella replied.

Great.

He'd organised a wedding and not thought to ask the bride to marry him.

He turned to his father, who laughed and shook his head, and reached inside his pocket.

"My mother's ring. She will love it."

"When? We are about to walk down the aisle."

"Now, Edward," he smirked.

Edward approached the door of the guestroom and knocked.

"Did you forget something, Edward?" Alice asked.

Edward went to Bella and knelt at her feet.

"Bella, would you do me the honor of marrying me, here, today? I'm so sorry for forgetting to give you the choice."

"Well, seeing I'm wearing a wedding dress, I guess I will say yes," she replied. Edward smiled and slipped the ring on her finger and kissed her cheek. "Thank you, I will make sure you never regret this," he swore.

"Now go," Rose ordered, painting Bella's nails.

Edward was smiling broadly as he joined Emmett and Jasper outside. Emmett was balancing Jas's son in his arms, swinging the infant in the air.

"I'm going to say it's probably just as well you are just the uncle. Don't drop him."

"He loves it," Jasper replied. "So, you arrive home and get married before even catching your breath."

"I didn't want Bella to think about it too long. The element of surprise is helpful to many men, unworthy of their woman."

"Oh, come on. She loves and adores you. All that crap is forgotten now."

"I will never understand women," Edward confided. "I wouldn't have touched me with a ten foot barge pole. She, on the other hand, never hesitated from that first morning."

"She wanted you back. Sometimes it is that simple. Look at me and Alice. I wanted her back and I didn't let anyone influence my decision."

"That's the only way to play the game. It's between two people only, when it comes down to it."

"Places," Carlisle called and Esme took Jamieson and told Emmett to straighten his tie.

Edward looked back, up the aisle where his bride was walking on her father's arm. It appeared Charlie had mellowed and accepted the inevitable, at last. He even managed to smile at Edward as he handed his daughter over.

Edward nodded his thanks and took her hand.

They gazed into one another's eyes as the preacher said the words that made her his forever.

Edward agreed, he did, and slid a second ring on that same finger.

Bella paled until Rose handed her a ring, and she placed it on Edward's hand.

The guests cheered and Edward kissed his bride.

X~x~X

"Okay, now you need to be bridesmaid for me," Alice said as they reached the end of the aisle.

"What?" Edward asked.

"We are all doing it. Jasper and I next, then Rose and Emmett."

"And who'd have thought, I'd be the one not pregnant nor a mother," Rose joked.

It had always seemed she would be the one to 'get caught out' but it hadn't happened and now she was about to become a 'decent married woman' before Emmett managed to knock her up. They weren't trying, just weren't not trying. It would happen.

Bella stood beside Alice and after that, beside Rose, then expressed a desire to sit down and put her feet up.

Edward managed to hand out the correct rings to the correct grooms and wanted a drink and a rest himself.

He sat beside his wife and put his arms around her waist and felt the baby kick.

"Bridie," he said and Bella looked up at him.

"She's been to three weddings, we should name her Bridie."

"Why not?" she smiled.

X~x~X

Bella was blown away by Phoenix, and danced at Edward's side as he carefully balanced their daughter in his arms, backstage. He wanted to see them perform but not enough to leave his little Bridie in Esme's care long enough to attend as a regular fan.

Bella was bursting with excitement, and grabbed Jake and Jasper and then Emmett into a hug as they left the stage.

"You guys are awesome. We need to come to all your home concerts. Right, Edward?"

"Sure," Edward replied. Maybe the day would come when he could relinquish his hold on his daughter and trust his Mom to keep her safe. Just not yet.

Jessica turned and caught sight of him with the baby and snapped a photo. Edward handed the infant to Bella and chased after Jess, grabbing her as she snapped another celebrity unawares.

"You need to delete that picture, Jess."

"Why? Your fans will be thrilled to see you have a wife and a baby and you owe them."

"No, I owed them a new album and a tour each year and they got that. I've paid my dues. This is my real life and I don't share. I don't want a single photo or word about my daughter to appear anywhere. I knew we shouldn't have come tonight."

"Sorry, Edward. You have the right to decide. Your baby didn't ask to be born to the most popular lead singer of the most popular band."

"That's all in the past, Jess. Thanks," Edward replied, handing back her camera with one less photo.

He truly wanted an anonymous life and was determined to get it.

"Come on, fangirl, let's go home," he said to Bella and she grabbed a Phoenix t shirt from the table and held it tight.

"Hey, I know all the band members. I get to hang with another famous band, Edward."

"Just no sleeping with any band member this time," he growled and put his spare arm around her.

"Okay, fine. I'll just sleep with my husband, Mr Average Joe," she agreed and let him lead her to their car. She wanted what he wanted , an ordinary life. It was enough.

No.

It was perfect.

THE END

**Sorry for the rush, I have a deadline of Nov 17th to finish these open stories, except So Close. It will be upated after these are done. Cheers, thanks for reading.**


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